I startle as a hand runs gently through my hair.
“Victoria?” Nathan calls, the astonishment in his voice clear.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cry.
“What?” he questions, sitting up and pulling me with him. He cups my face in his hands. “What’s going on?”
“You almost died, and it would’ve been all my fault.”
“You heard about the accident.”
I confirm on a shaky breath and a nod of my head.
“I went to the hospital to see you, but your sister wouldn’t let me in.”
He grunts in obvious annoyance. “I’m going to fucking kill her.”
“It’s been killing me not knowing if you’re okay, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see you.” I place my hand on his chest.
“I’m fine,” he reassures me stroking my hair. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t cry, I’m fine.”
“How can you say that? You almost died.”
He smiles, trying to reassure me.
“But I didn’t. I made it through and now I’m fine.”
“I screwed everything up, Nathan. I made so many mistakes and it took your accident to make me realize that you were right. You gave up everything for me and I treated you like none of it mattered.”
“Is that how you really felt?”
“No. I was just scared. I was so scared to let you in again. Besides, I told myself that our worlds were too different. I knew your job would be jeopardized…”
“I quit my job, Victoria.”
“But you didn’t tell me that. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He chuckles. “Because we were always arguing.”
“I was a real bitch, huh?”
He smiles but doesn’t answer my question.
“What now then, hmm? You came all this way to make sure I was still in the land of the living. Now that you’ve done that, what? Do you go back to your life…”
I cut him off and complete his thought. “Without you?”
“Yeah.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No, we’re not playing this game. Don’t answer a question with a question. Tell me what it is you want.”
“I want you. I want to be with you, and I want you to forgive me, to love me again.”
“I never stopped loving you, but it’s not that easy.”
“Yes, it is,” I counter, my short temper starting to get the best of me. “We just go back to the way things had been before they blew up.”
“You want to go back to a time when we were both lying to each other? That’s what you want?”
I can’t believe he’s arguing with me right now.
“No, I just want to go back to when we were together, and we were happy.”
“I just… I don’t know anymore. Things are different; my life looks a lot different now.”
“What do you mean? When are you coming back to New York? Let's start with that.”
“I’m staying here in Michigan; a buddy of mine from the Marines opened a security firm and offered me a job.”
“I see.” All of a sudden, I feel deflated.
“And this house…” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “My parents are retired and the house is too much upkeep for them, so they’re moving to one of those adult communities and I’m in the process of buying this house.”
“That’s great, this is a beautiful house. It’s good, it’s good that you’re doing that.”
He places his head in the crook of my neck and inhales, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he says.
“I’ve missed you, too.” The tears start to fall again because he’s making his life here now, and I can’t ask him to give that up. He’s already given up enough for me. I run my hand through his hair and try to make light of the situation.
“Nothing lasts forever.”
He lifts his head, locking his eyes on mine. “Then you can be my nothing.”
“Nathan.”
“Stay.”
“What?”
“Stay, stay with me, be here with me. Forget New York. What’s so important that you can’t walk away?”
“My work is there, I have a successful day spa and another one opening any day.”
“You’re right.” The look of disappointment on his face is unmistakable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem like that wasn’t important.”
“I know you didn’t, it’s just…”
“I can’t lose you now.”
“I don’t want to lose you, either.”
“I’ll come back.”
“What?”
“I’ll rent out this house and look for a new job in the city. I may have to come back and forth for a while, but if you’re serious about wanting to be with me, then I’ll do it for you.”
I think back on the choices that I’ve made in my life—some of them good, most of