a hole so dark and deep I didn’t think I’d ever come out of it. Couldn’t eat or sleep. Poor Granddad was beside himself. I went for counseling and then group therapy. I finally remembered all the things I had to live for, all the people who loved me.”
It had been a long, hard road back. College and then law school had helped but most of the credit had to be given to her sisters and grandfather. Without them, she wasn’t sure she would have survived.
Zach’s silence was stark and chilling. Did he blame her for not trying harder to get in touch with him? Was he angry she hadn’t told him sooner?
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.” She leaned toward him. “Zach, please.” Reaching out, her fingers barely skimmed his shoulders when he twisted away from her and jumped to his feet. The rejection smashed her heart into a million pieces.
* * *
His head shaking in denial, Zach paced around the room in a mindless circle. He thought he’d seen and been through hell before. Nothing compared to this. He’d had a daughter. A precious little girl and she had died before he could see her, hold her in his arms.
And the woman he had abandoned, left pregnant and alone, lay on the bed. Her nonjudgmental acceptance of his treatment of her tore at his gut. She had said she hated him for a while … she should still hate him.
All of his life, he had done his best to take care of the people he loved. That had been his driving need for as long as he remembered. A code of honor he’d taken on because he’d known it was the right thing to do. The one time he’d taken the coward’s way out, had let his pride get in the way of honor, he had lost more than his self-respect, he’d broken Savannah’s heart and denied his daughter a father.
Like a roaring beast in a frenzy of fury, agony ripped at his chest, his throat closed, and tears blurred his vision. A harsh sob erupted from deep within him; a gut-wrenching anguish washed over him, threatening to drown him. He had failed the two people who meant more than life to him. And because of his sheer selfishness, he would never know one of them.
Savannah reached out her hand to him again. “Oh, Zach, no … please don’t. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just happened.”
The emotion he saw on her face, the tears falling from her eyes, the pain he heard in her voice reinforced his self-disgust. He had hurt her once and now, dammit, he was doing it again.
He turned away and stalked out the door. He couldn’t talk right now. He had to think, clear his head. What in the hell had he done?
* * *
Oh God, she had known she would hurt him when she told him the truth. She just hadn’t realized the depth of that hurt. Guilt sliced through her. She should have told him sooner, in a different way. She should have tried harder to find him. She should have taken his calls. So many should-haves … so much regret.
Maybe she shouldn’t have told him at all. What good had come from him knowing the truth? The man she adored was hurting and she was responsible.
Grabbing her robe from the end of the bed, Savannah pulled it on and hurried out the door. She couldn’t just let him leave like this. He was blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault … wasn’t anyone’s fault. She ran down the landing toward the stairs. The only lights were from the lamps in the foyer below and the light coming from her bedroom. Had everyone gone to bed? Where was Zach? Had he left already? Was she too late?
She was almost to the stairway when a masculine shadow appeared at the other end of the landing, coming from the direction of her parents’ room. “Zach?”
He didn’t answer. Savannah stayed still, afraid if she went closer he’d walk away from her again. She had to make him understand. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before … I couldn’t. Reliving that time again … it brought back so many bad memories.” She shook her head rapidly. “No, that’s no excuse. I know I should have told you sooner.” She took a step closer. “I’m so sorry … please forgive me.”