finally said the words, all energy seeped from her limbs. Slumping back onto the pillow, she continued, “I found out I was pregnant about a month after you left. I was in Nashville, getting ready for my first year at Vandy. That was the only thing that kept me from going crazy worrying about you. When I started getting queasy, I assumed it was from stress. Eventually, when I sat down and allowed myself to think about it, I realized I was pregnant.”
The realization hadn’t come like a burst of lightning. It had been a gradual knowing … maybe her subconscious allowing her to come to terms with the monumental event one step at a time. When finally, at last, she accepted the truth, she had been ridiculously overjoyed. Despite all the hardships that she knew lay ahead, she’d had this tiny, innocent, beautiful being growing inside of her—a piece of Zach no one could take away from her … or so she had thought.
“But, the condom …”
“Didn’t work. Those things are supposed to be like ninety-eight percent effective. I was one of those rare, sad statistics. My first time having sex, practicing safe sex. And I still got pregnant.”
She heard him turn away from the door and head back to the bed. His movements were much slower than before—almost as if the weight of his burdens pulled him down. Her heart hurt for him.
The bedside light came on, which thankfully gave only a soft glow. She couldn’t face the harsh light right now. Zach sat on the bed, the stark agony in his eyes a reflection of what she had gone through during those dark days.
His voice was so strained, she could barely make out his words. “Is that why you called me?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I knew you didn’t want me … or at least, that’s what I thought. But you had a right to know about the baby.”
“And I stupidly and cowardly ignored your calls. My God, how can you even stand to be around me?”
She sat up and grabbed for his hand. “Zach … no, it wasn’t your fault … it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”
The pained anguish in his eyes told her he didn’t agree. “What happened?”
“It was a normal pregnancy … at least that’s what my doctor told me. I started spotting at about thirty-one weeks. She said that often happened and to just stay off my feet. I got through the first semester of college. Granddad came to stay with me.” She shook her head as she remembered all that he had done for her. “He amazed me. No judgment or censure. He waited on me hand and foot. I did everything I was supposed to do.”
She took a breath and trudged on. “It just wasn’t enough. I woke in the middle of the night with a searing pain in my belly. Granddad carried me to the hospital. They told me I was in labor. They assured me that even though she was premature, everything looked fine.”
A soft little sob escaped her as she remembered. “Oh, Zach, she was perfect. So incredibly beautiful. I held her in my arms and felt so blessed and happy. I had a part of you that no one could take away from me. On the third day, she just stopped breathing. They rushed her to the NICU, put her on a breathing machine. Nothing they did brought her back. We buried her in a beautiful cemetery right outside of Nashville.”
That had been one of the hardest decisions she’d ever made. Rationally she knew she was being silly, but she had wanted her daughter to be placed next to her namesake, Savannah’s mother. Her grandfather had convinced her otherwise. No one in Midnight knew about her pregnancy. And though Savannah wasn’t ashamed of Maggie Rose, neither did she want all the gossip and spitefulness that would follow if she had brought her daughter back to her hometown to bury.
She forced herself to go on, wanting to get everything said and out in the open at last. “That was a really bad time for me, Zach. When you called me, Maggie had just been gone twelve days. I couldn’t talk to you. I could barely talk to anyone. Could barely function.” Closing her eyes, she admitted, “God help me, I hated you. I needed to blame someone and you were a convenient target.”
At some point, she had overcome her hatred, but unfortunately, something much worse had replaced it.