to. I wasn't sure he wanted to be touched while he told the story. Later, but not now.
"You know how time can freeze in the middle of a fight?"
I nodded, wasn't sure he saw it, and said, "Yes."
"I remember the face, its face, when it looked up at me from Richie's body. You've seen us in half-man form. The face is leopard, but not. Not human, but not animal either. I remember thinking, I should know what this is. But all I could think was Monster. It's a monster."
He licked his lips and drew a breath that shook when he let it out. "I had the rifle to my shoulder. I fired. I hit it. I hit it two or three times before it got me. It ripped me with its claws, and it wasn't a sharp pain. It was like being hit with a baseball bat--hard, thick. You know you're hurt, but it doesn't feel like you'd imagine claws would feel--do you know what I mean?"
I nodded. "Yeah, actually, I know exactly what you mean."
He looked at me, then down at my arm. "You do know what I mean, exactly what I mean, don't you?"
"More than most," I said, voice soft and as matter-of-fact as I could make it. He had so much emotion that I gave him none back. It was the best I could do.
He smiled at me. Again it was that sad, wistful, self-deprecating smile. "The rifle was gone. I don't remember losing it, but my arms wouldn't work anymore. I lay there on the ground, with that thing above me, and I wasn't afraid anymore. Nothing hurt, nothing scared me. It was almost peaceful. After that it's only snatches. I remember voices, being on a stretcher. I remember being put in a helicopter. I woke up in the hospital with Agent Fox on one side and my dad on the other."
I realized then what had sparked the trip down memory lane. "Seeing Fox today brought it back." Some days I'm just slow.
He nodded. "It scared me to see him, Anita. I know that sounds stupid, but it did."
"It doesn't sound stupid, and it didn't show. I mean, even I didn't pick up on it."
"I wasn't afraid in the front of my head, Anita. I was afraid in the back of my head. And then you didn't like the room, and--"
I went to him then. I wrapped my arms around him, pressed his face against my chest. He hugged me back, tight, so tight, as if he were holding on to the last solid thing in the universe.
"I love the room. I love you. I'm sorry I was shitty."
He spoke with his face still buried against my body, so his words were muffled. "I didn't survive the attack, Anita. The wereleopard that attacked us ate as much of my uncle and Richie as it could hold, and left. Some hunters found us, and they were both doctors. I was dead, Anita. No heartbeat, no pulse. The doctors got my heart started again, got me breathing again. They patched me up as best they could, and they got me to a clearing so a chopper could get me to a hospital. No one expected me to live."
I stroked his hair, still slick and tight in the braid. "But you did," I whispered.
He nodded, rubbing his head against the silk shirt and my breasts underneath. Not sexual, but comforting.
"The wereleopard was a serial killer. He hit only hunters, and only after they'd killed an animal. The FBI put out a warning to hunters after we were attacked. Fox said they put it together as a serial case only a few hours before we were attacked. The first attack had been on a reservation where he was assigned."
"He solved it," I said.
"He caught the... monster. He was there when they killed it."
He kept saying it and monster. You didn't hear that often from shapeshifters--not about other shifters. "I died, was brought back, survived, and healed. Healed so fast. Incredibly fast. Then a month later I was the monster." His voice was so sad when he said it, so unutterably sad.
"You're not a monster," I said.
He drew away enough to look up at me. "But a lot of us are, Anita. I joined Merle's pard, and he was a good leader, but Chimera came and took us over, and Chimera was crazy and cruel."
Chimera had been the leader I'd killed to save Micah and his people, and a lot of