was excited about the fact that the line was there to be crossed. I wasn’t thinking straight at that point. I wasn’t considering how much I was about to hurt Amy or how Peter’s life might turn out without me there day after day to mold and guide him. I had been miserable for quite a while, and I was driving in search of happiness. If only I had realized my family had nothing to do with the misery. The source of that pain came from within. I was about to punish the wrong people.
I know the logic was flawed. Too many emotions flared, and my mind raced in a thousand different directions. It was like the lynchpin holding my life together had just been pulled, and things were falling apart before my very eyes. I honestly wasn’t sure I could put the pieces back together, and as a result, I didn’t focus on that.
I knew the apartment complex where Karen lived and had little trouble finding it. Part of me hoped that she wouldn’t be home, but another part of me was expectant--almost giddy. I wanted to see her again, and no amount of denial on my part would change the way my heart felt.
Once in the parking lot, I sat in the car for a while, listening to the whir of the engine. My palms were sweaty, and I ran through a hundred different scenarios in my head. What was I doing here? Deep down, I knew the answer. I wasn’t here to tell Karen to leave me alone. I was here because there was a nagging part of my brain that wouldn’t stop asking that one simple question that has caused so much damage throughout history: What if?
I thought about Amy for a moment, considered how devastated she would be, and quickly pushed the thought out of my mind. I couldn’t focus on that. If this was it for me and Amy, could I afford to pass up a chance to rekindle a flame with the first true love of my life?
All I wanted to do was spend a few minutes talking with Karen so I could satisfy my curiosity. I wanted to see if the old spark was still there. Part of me hoped I could prove to myself that the feelings were dead and buried, and I could gain a certain amount of closure on a situation that had never truly been resolved. Part of me hoped the old spark was still there.
Although I hadn’t done anything that couldn’t be reversed at this point, I found myself looking over my shoulder as I got out of the car. I wondered if there was anyone nearby I might know, anyone who might drive by and see me in the parking lot of Karen’s apartment building. The world around me, however, didn’t seem to care.
I trudged up the stairs to the second floor, wondering what I would do or say once I arrived at the door. The rational, logical part of me knew the best thing was to turn around right away, get in my car, and drive back home. I didn’t want to do that.
Did I really want to go through with this? There was still time to turn back. Did I really want to knock on that door?
I thought about it for a moment and realized that I did want to be here. I drove here with a defined purpose-my mind was made up.
Your wife never has to know.
Something else made me hesitate before knocking, something I hadn’t considered on the way over here. It wasn’t some random passerby I needed to worry about seeing me here. Someone very specific was out to get me. They had gone to the trouble of leaving Amy a note in an attempt to prove that I was being unfaithful. I still wasn’t sure of the motive, but I was sure that I was being watched. Maybe they were watching me now.
I looked around frantically; a dog’s bark made me jump. I then heard a steady clicking sound that made me stiffen in fear. I knew that noise all too well. Although Peter was only two, I had taken hundreds if not thousands of photographs of him, and I was all too familiar with the sound that a camera makes with each new exposure. I turned toward the sound and saw him. A figure wearing an angel mask stood at the end of the walkway, snapping picture after picture