“I thought I was doing you a favor,” he said, repeating his earlier rationale. “And I want to participate in Billy’s care. If you breast-feed him exclusively, that lets me out.”
“Not if I pump some milk for the bottle. But I need to know in advance. We should have discussed it. I felt like you giving him formula was undermining me.”
“The way you used to undermine my efforts to care for Holly?”
She jerked back. “What?”
Hell. He hadn’t meant to say that. Holly was in the past, and he never wanted to go there again. But the words had slipped out, and with a surprising amount of anger. Darcy struggled to get his emotions under control. If he wanted to spend time with Billy in the future, he needed to keep Emma onside. Which meant avoiding speaking about Holly’s death, the topic that stored all their pain and which they couldn’t seem to come together on, no matter how they tried.
“I didn’t mean to undermine you,” he said. “I was letting you sleep.” And bonding with my son. “You’re still recovering.”
“No, I mean what was that about me undermining you with Holly? You think it’s my fault you never spent time with her?” She circled him, eyes wide and disbelieving. “You think I came between you and caring for your child? I stopped you from changing diapers and getting her lunch?”
“You always got to her first.”
“You didn’t see when she needed something. You weren’t tuned in to her like I was.”
“You could have asked me.”
“One of the few times I did, you dropped her on her head.”
“Thanks for throwing that in my face. As if I would ever forget that incident. Have you never made a mistake with the babies?”
Instead of answering that, she threw her hands in the air. “Anyway, you were always at the damned pub.”
“I was trying to make a living, to pay for your extravagances.”
“What, like food and clothing?”
“Expensive furniture.” He flung out a hand at the Italian leather couch and handmade side tables, the walls full of framed paintings. “Original artwork.”
“I had to fill my life with something of value.”
He shook his head. Why was he getting so hot under the collar about not being asked to change a diaper? Especially when he’d screwed up so badly that one time. Maybe he should have tried harder with Holly, but he’d been intimidated by Emma’s expertise.
And why was Emma so angry about a simple bottle feeding? It was almost as though she was picking a fight because she was afraid of what she might feel for him after last night.
“Let’s not argue about this,” he said. “Holly’s gone. We can’t bring her back.”
“That’s right. Whenever the subject turns to Holly you retreat. If only—” With a choking sound, Emma turned away from him.
Darcy didn’t have to ask what she meant by if only. He knew all too well. If only he hadn’t chosen football over a picnic with her and Holly. If only he’d stopped Kyle from taking his keys and getting in his vehicle. Well, he was sick of it. If only Emma had watched Holly more closely.
“We need to get going or we’ll miss my dad.” He picked up the car seat and started down the stairs.
“I’ll be out of your hair soon,” Emma said, coming after him. “On Friday, Alana and I are going to clean my apartment so I can move in over the weekend.”
He stopped short. “You want to be back in your own space that badly?”
“I think it’s best, don’t you?”
It was no consolation that Emma looked as unhappy as he felt. Despite their bickering he was going to miss her when she was gone. He would also miss Billy.
And it was no surprise really, that they were picking fights with each other, trying to manufacture distance in lieu of coming closer. If she was anything like him, making love last night had been so heartbreakingly wonderful it was terrifying. How was it they could share something so magical and yet not be able to resolve their problems?
* * *
“WHO’S A PRECIOUS BABY? Did you see that?” Marge glanced at Roy and their children and grandchildren gathered around her in the living room. “He smiled at me.”
One of Darcy’s nieces, nine-year-old Dani, tickled Billy’s chin with a stuffed horse. Billy chortled and kicked his legs.
Emma sat on a hard-backed chair at the edge of the circle. Darcy’s two brothers and their kids were there as well as his sister with