good moments through the day—the Macarena, the decorating discussion. But a bit of laughter and banter and hot sex couldn’t make up for eighteen months of estrangement.
They needed to talk in depth, but how could that happen if the goodwill wasn’t there? Every attempt at talking before their divorce had deteriorated into arguments that left her feeling emotionally bruised. Not because Darcy was trying to hurt her, but because she hated seeing the man she loved, the home and family she’d worked for, slipping away from her.
Holly and Darcy had been part of her. When they were gone, she was no longer whole. Billy was supposed to fill that gap. It was too much pressure on one little boy. Her expectations had been totally unrealistic. Could that be why she was having trouble bonding with him? Poor little guy, being expected to solve her problems when all he wanted was to be loved for himself.
Things had changed, though. When she’d had the nightmare on the cruise, Darcy hadn’t wanted to know. Last night he’d put his arms around her and made her feel safe, for once not retreating to that dark place he went to. Had caring for Billy without her hovering over him made that big a difference to his attitude? But if things were so great, why hadn’t he come back to bed?
She got up and put on a robe then brushed her hair and swished her mouth out with water from the glass beside the bed. She felt a little shy about seeing Darcy this morning but if they kissed she’d rather not bowl him over with jungle mouth.
She stopped dead, her hand on the doorknob. Where did these expectations come from? Last night was likely just another one-off. She’d been aroused from her dream; Darcy had been...well, he’d been a guy, ready to go anytime.
Did she even want things to progress? She’d learned how to survive on her own, achieved contentment if not happiness. Falling for Darcy again would stir up too many feelings she would rather bury. No, last night had been a mistake. She’d been vulnerable and needy. She wasn’t going to compound that by doing anything so stupid as kissing him good morning.
Billy wasn’t in his bassinet. Darcy wasn’t in the kitchen. Where were they? From the window she could see the blackened shell of the restaurant up the street. Yellow tape cordoned off the area, leaving a narrow path along the sidewalk for people to pass by. A police car was parked out front, along with a red fire van.
Had Darcy gone down to the pub already? Her breasts were aching now, they were so full. She turned away from the window and noticed the can of baby formula powder on the counter and an empty bottle. He must have fed Billy in the night. Okay. That was nice. She guessed. The extra sleep helped her get better, although she needed to nurse regularly to keep her milk coming in. Darcy knew that. She’d found her baby books lying around, books she hadn’t read in months.
A faint snore was coming from the living room. She quietly pushed open the door. Darcy was stretched out on the couch. Billy lay in the crook of his arm with his head on his daddy’s chest. The two dark heads, the chins with the dimple, even the whorls in their ears looked alike. Her heart melted. How sweet was that?
Darcy opened his eyes and stirred. “What time is it?”
“After ten. Thanks for feeding him in the night and letting me sleep. He’ll be awake soon, and starving.”
Darcy carefully sat up, adjusting Billy in his arms. “I gave him a second bottle at six.”
Emma frowned. “Why would you do that? You know I need to stimulate my milk production.”
“I thought I was doing you a favor.”
Doing her a favor? Or taking over?
She shook her head. That was crazy. But her warm fuzzy feelings evaporated. With Holly she’d been the center of the family, the glue that bound the three of them together. Now she felt almost...superfluous. It was understandable that he hadn’t consulted her while she was ill but now that she was better, well, she was still Billy’s mother.
“What time did you want to see your parents?”
“Could you be ready to go in an hour?” He paused. “About last night. It was awesome but I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”
He was apologizing for making love to her? He must think it had been a mistake, too.