to follow him.
Squelching with every other step because of his wet shoe, Crane finally found his way back to his bike. Someone had put a sticker on the seat. As he squinted at it, Crane got a chill. It was an ouroboros.
Tuesday, July 19th
Crane lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It was just past dawn. Mary would be home any minute. In a panic, he’d put together a load of laundry so he could wash the chlorine smell out of his boxers. But what about the shoe? One wet chlorine-scented shoe. He’d sprayed it with room deodorant, but it sat there like an admission of guilt. Perverted, sick, shameful guilt. He’d made a mistake letting Max get anywhere close to him. What was I thinking?
His phone buzzed. Crane tapped on the message icon and frowned at the long message from Max:
I’m not sorry. I don’t know how to be sorry, so I won’t say that. That would be lying and I don’t want to lie to you. What I will say is that, apart from Eddie, I’ve never desired anyone’s presence in my life. That is, until I met you. You can believe me or not, but for me, it is a fact. And, if I’m being truly, 100% honest, I don’t like that I like you. But I do.
So, I’m not sorry, Dr. Crane. I wish I knew what feeling sorry felt like, just for you, but I think you like me just the way I am.
Crane closed his eyes. He heard the front door open downstairs and his wife go about quietly doing whatever she did when she got home from her overnight shifts. He thought about the shoe again but decided he was overreacting. What an incredibly fucked-up night, he thought wearily. Something occurred to him then. He woke his phone again and went to Wikipedia to look up Marc Ouimet. Sure enough, he had married Évangéline Duvernay three years earlier. Another quick search brought up Évangéline’s history in the adult-entertainment industry. Performing under the name Foxy Vixen, she had retired right before marrying Ouimet. Max hadn’t lied, but the truth was off-putting. What did the house staff think of their arrangement? Was he being overly judgmental? Was he being a prude? Maybe…
No. No… Don’t talk yourself into seeing Max again. Don’t. You’ve lost your mind.
His phone buzzed again. This time the message from Max was short: Can I see you tonight?
Mary tiptoed into the room and looked surprised when she saw that Crane was awake.
“Did I make too much noise downstairs?” She seemed completely exhausted, her hair in fuzzy disarray and eyes deeply shadowed.
“No… I couldn’t sleep. Must have been something I ate.”
“Okay, good. Um. Well, I’m going to bed now. Are you going to stay up?” She sat down on the edge of the mattress and began unbuttoning her pastel nurse’s scrubs.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted. He turned the phone around a few times in his hand.
“I’m really tired…” Mary had a hard time falling asleep if he was awake in bed, so he sat up and yawned.
“That’s okay. If I get tired, I’ll nap on the couch.” He slid out of bed and grabbed a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms. Crane kissed the top of Mary’s head and turned to go. “Sleep well.” Then he paused in the doorway, his guilt like a fist in his guts. “Say, honey, do you mind if I go out tonight?”
“What? No, of course not. Where are you going?” Mary reached behind her to undo her bra. The straps had left red marks on her shoulders. Crane averted his eyes from her breasts, feeling ashamed.
“I’m going to grab a beer with a colleague.”
5
Something True and Dirty
Monday, August 8th
Crane panted softly. The fly of his khakis was still wide open, his drying cock on display. Between his knees, Max sat on the floor, cross-legged. His lips were pink and a little swollen. When Crane had finally caught his breath, he frowned at Max.
“Something occurred to me the other day, and I’d like to discuss it,” he said, tucking himself away carefully. He pulled up his zipper and pointed to the chair across from him. Max rolled his eyes but got to his feet. He dug around in the pocket of his army shorts, found a packet of gum, and popped one out of the blister pack. Crane shook his head when Max offered him one, and he reached for his notebook as Max sat back in the plush