Matchmaker (Empire High #4) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,143

course, but he’s clearly not gay.”

“Neither am I!”

“Matt. It’s okay. We’re here for you no matter what. And I’m so sorry you never felt comfortable enough to tell us that you’ve been gay this whole time. We love you no matter what.”

“I haven’t been secretly gay this whole time. I’ve never been gay,” I added, just to make sure I was being clear enough.

“Well he definitely didn’t use to be gay,” Justin said. “Since he was engaged to Brooklyn and everything.”

It felt like all the air left my lungs.

“What?” Penny said. “Brooklyn?” She turned to me. “Who is Justin talking about?”

“His fiancée,” Justin said. “They were high school sweethearts. But she passed away…”

“Stop,” I said. I felt like I was choking.

“Oh my God, Matt.” Penny put her hand over her mouth.

This wasn’t how I wanted to tell her. It wasn’t supposed to come out like this. I couldn’t breathe. I got up from the table. I couldn’t look at any of them. I couldn’t do this right now. I couldn’t breathe.

“Wait, Matt,” Penny said.

“Penny, stop.” James ran after me instead. “Matt!” He caught up with me outside the restaurant. “I’m sorry. As soon as I found out she sent you on a blind date with Justin, I tried to stop it.”

“I just need to be alone.” I waved my hand at the valet. He went to get my car.

“Where are you going?” James asked.

I didn’t respond.

“Matt?”

I ignored him as the valet pulled my car up and handed me my keys.

“You’re not the only one that’s ever worried about someone else,” James said. “I worried about you back then. After Brooklyn died. I worried that you knew what it felt like to not want to keep going too. You were right about me. I hated my life. I hated everything. And you looked out for me. And now I’m looking out for you.” He grabbed the keys from my hand. “Now where are we going?”

I wasn’t going to fight with him. “I need to go home.”

“Okay.” He unlocked my car and we both climbed in.

He didn’t say a word to me as he drove through the city streets. Not a single word until he pulled up outside my place and cut the engine. “Brooklyn would have wanted you to be happy.”

“I meant what I said last night. I am happy.”

“You don’t look happy, man,” James said.

“I feel guilty. For moving on. I can’t help it. I am happy, but I feel like shit for being happy.”

“We all like Kennedy,” James said.

I looked over at him.

“You weren’t fooling anyone with that ‘just friends’ stunt. Except for Penny I guess.”

I laughed. “Yeah.”

“I used to feel guilty too. For being happy. For being with Penny when I broke the rules to have her. But I don’t regret breaking the rules. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You made a promise when you were 16 years old. You’re allowed to break it.”

“I know. I just…I need to be alone for a few minutes. You can take the car back for Penny.”

“I’ll take a taxi.” He tossed the keys at me. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

I nodded and climbed out of the car. I knew he was right. I’d told myself as much. But I just needed a minute to breathe.

Chapter 44

Saturday

I was sitting in the middle of all the portraits I’d painted of Brooklyn. They used to make me feel close to her. But tonight, she’d never felt further away.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there staring. But I felt the wetness on my cheeks. I never did get the blue of Brooklyn’s eyes right in the most recent painting. And I realized right then that I didn’t really remember how her eyes looked. She was drifting away. I opened up the photo album that Kennedy had given me all those years ago. But instead of my eyes gravitating to Brooklyn like they always used to, they gravitated to Kennedy. I slammed the album closed.

“You paint?”

I turned around to see Penny leaning against the doorjamb. “I’m sorry. Your door was unlocked and…”

“It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not.” She sat down next to me on the floor. “I really messed up. I…”

“Thought I was gay. Yeah, I got that. I loved all your evidence too.” I smiled over at her.

She hit her shoulder against mine. “In my defense, I literally saw you kiss Tanner. What was I supposed to think?”

“It probably would have helped if I’d told you the truth