aching and—
Beeeep! Beep! Beep!
“His stupid alarm!” I yelled in aggravation, throwing the covers off. I was not listening to that thing for the next hour and a half.
“Beep! Beep!” the parrot shrieked from another room. “Time to get up, asshole! Beep! Beeeeep!”
I stomped across the hall, flinging the door to Chris’s room open. I grabbed the alarm clock and wrenched the batteries out.
“You need to get up if your alarm is going off!” I yelled at Chris as he yawned and blinked up at me from the pile of blankets on the bed—of which only the barest, tiniest corner of soft white sheet covered the raging erection he had.
My mouth dropped open as I froze, the batteries and the alarm clock in each hand.
“I, uh—you need better sleep hygiene,” I said, shoving the pieces at him and scurrying out.
Amy: How big was it?
Sophie: Do you have pictures?
Elsie: What kind of photographer doesn’t have pictures?
Grace: I am a photographer of wholesome wedding photos.
Ivy: What about that boudoir wedding photo the bride asked you to do of her for her fiancé?
Grace: I will lower my standards for money.
Brea: Honestly you should give Chris a courtesy blow job since you moved your grandma and the rescue parrot into his penthouse.
Grace: Speaking of, can you make Zeus a couple new vests? The stress of the move has him tearing his feathers out again, and the only vest that was salvaged was covered in wax and smoke. It was making Chris sneeze, so I had to throw it out.
Sophie: Look at you being a good little wife!
Grace: Look at me trying to keep Chris from going ballistic and not stealing part of our company, but do I get any thanks???
Amy: We lurve you Grace!
Sophie: And we’d love you more if you brought pics of your hunky well-hung husband!
“Grace?” the hippy therapist prodded, giving me a loopy smile. “Are you with us?”
“Er, yeah,” I said, putting away my phone.
“Do you often check out while you’re with Chris? You need to be present in your relationship,” Rainbow continued.
Priyanka nodded sagely. “You don’t know this person. It’s understandable to be a little uncomfortable, but you have to lean into it.”
“Girls,” Rainbow said. “How have you all been handling feelings of discomfort in your marriages?”
“I don’t have any discomfort!” a wide-eyed redhead said with a maniacal grin. “We share everything. We have sex several times a day. We are intimately aware of each other.”
“I know!” another girl gushed. “I’m just so in love with my husband! I want him around me all the time. I literally don’t let him leave. I cry when he goes off to work, and I make him text me every hour to tell me how much he loves me.”
Ooof.
“Honestly?” the redhead said. “Sharing a bathroom has to be the most intimate thing imaginable.”
“I know,” Linneah said sagely. “That’s the thing that has brought Teddy and me closer together.”
She hates Teddy, two-faced bitch.
“And how are you finding the bathroom sharing?” Priyanka asked me.
“I’m not sharing a bathroom with Chris,” I said. “We tried that, and it did not work. He doesn’t like to share his space. He’s very territorial.”
“Ooh!” the redhead said, doing a little shimmy. “I bet he’s a tiger in bed!”
“I bet they’re not doing much of that either,” Linneah said haughtily.
“That segues us into another important conversation,” Priyanka said, her gold jewelry tinkling softly. “How many of you have had sex with your husbands?”
All of the girls except for me raised their hands.
“Why haven’t you had sex with Chris?” Linneah demanded, going right for the jugular.
“I just…well…” I squirmed in my seat as the camera guys circled to zoom in on my face.
“We just haven’t had time.” I started to sweat. It was starting to feel like that time at the sorority party my freshman year in college where Linneah had just backed me in a corner…
You are a small business owner. You are not the awkward, insecure college freshman. Get it together! I scolded myself.
“We are waiting to get to know each other a bit more,” I said primly.
“That’s interesting,” Priyanka said, leaning forward, a studious look on her model-pretty face. “Do you find that you have a lot of hang-ups about sex?”
“She has so many hang-ups!” Linneah laughed. “She and I have known each other since freshman year of college.” Zane turned his camera on her, seeking the drama.
I forced my expression to remain neutral, but it was difficult.
“Grace is frigid, and she’s afraid of sex. She’d rather spend all