leans back, letting the darkness of the corner wrap him in its embrace, and I stare after him, once again at a loss for words. I want to tell him that maybe if he would just try, he’d realize that he’s not as broken as he thinks. That I’ve seen moments in his countenance that point to hope. That I’m worth the risk, worth the effort. But I’m once again reminded not to fight for something when the other person isn’t willing to fight for it too.
I rest my head back so I can hide in my own shadows. He’s right. It’s not fair, and it is wrong, but ultimately, it’s just sad. He’s given up, and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it. There’s not enough magic in the world to make someone see, not when they refuse to open their eyes or even believe that they can.
21
A gray haze encases me, and I try to blink it away from my eyes. It feels wet or maybe the coolness of the mist just gives that illusion. I ache, like my body is fighting off a fever, and a painful shiver runs up my spine.
“Squeaks?”
Ryker’s voice moves through me, and I try to grab for it, but it buzzes around my head, illusive and just out of reach.
“Squeaks, can you hear me?” he tries again, and I whimper at the longing that coats his smooth tone. “Focus, Vinna,” he instructs me. I try to answer him, but this dream hurts so fucking bad.
“What hurts, Vinna?” he asks, like he just plucked the thought from my foggy brain.
“Everything,” I confess.
“Thank fuck! There you are,” he announces, and it’s as if I can snatch the relief in his words out of the air and wrap it warmly around me. “Are you okay? We’ve been trying to reach you.”
“My dad is dead. Siah betrayed us, and I’ve been collared,” I tell him on a slur.
“What does that mean, Squeaks?” Ryker presses, his words frantic.
A stinging sensation starts in my limbs, and I try to shake them out. “I killed a girl, Ryker. She wanted to die. I couldn’t fight for her. I killed her. I’m so fucking mad I went for the wrong threat; I chased Siah when I should have been killing Adriel. Stupid. So fucking stupid!”
“Hey now, no one talks about my girl that way. Just slow down, you’re not making any sense. Why can’t you fight?” he asks, his tone gentle and reassuring, but I feel the bite of panic in his question.
“He put a collar on me like a fucking dog. I can’t use magic. It makes it hurt,” I explain, and as I do, some of the gray haze around me lifts. “I don’t think I’m dreaming,” I announce, and as more of the fog recedes, I become less and less anesthetized. My bones feel like they’re on fire, and my heart starts to race as I begin to pant through the pain.
“Fuck, Squeaks. We know where you are, and we’re coming, just hold on, okay?”
“Not yet,” I tell him, and he growls with frustration. “I have to find Keegan first.”
With that, a loud bang has me jolting all the way awake, and I’m instantly aware of the bone-deep ache radiating throughout my body. My head has only me in it again, and I feel the loss of Ryker worse than the physical pain I’m currently experiencing. Lachlan is being carried out by two goonish looking lamia. Alarmed, I stand up and move to intercept them, but I’m yanked out of the way from behind.
My back slams into something so hard that it knocks the wind out of me. I tell my brain over and over again not to panic, and will my lungs to inflate. Arms wrap around me from behind, and I can’t fight their hold while I’m fighting to breathe. I gasp painfully as my lungs finally rebound, and I cough on the air that rushes in too fast.
“Drink this quickly,” a familiar voice whispers in my ear.
Another canteen is shoved in my hands, and my feet are being pulled out from underneath me as I’m carried out of the cell. I don’t look up at Siah’s face as I unscrew the cap to the canteen and down the contents in less than thirty seconds. When the canteen is empty, Siah snatches it from my grasp, and then suddenly it’s gone. I have no idea if he dropped it discreetly somewhere or