Mari's Mistake - Ruby Dixon Page 0,43

Maybe it's an obstacle course, though we haven't had good luck with those in the past. I still remember Sam's shrieks of terror from the last one, when her team collided with Devi's team and gave the tall scientist a serious knock on the head. I glance down at the beach and there are several people pointing and arguing. Ugh, no thanks.

I don't see M'tok or S'bren with the crowd, but Penny and Callie are standing near the arguers. I do see R'jaal, his arms crossed, and Tia flirting away at him, her hand on his chest. Whatever that girl's got going on, I wish I could bottle it for myself. I glance over at the fire and spot my mate.

Just the sight of him still takes my breath away. I pause as our eyes meet and he gives me a slow, secretive smile from across the camp. He's just as gorgeous now as he was the first day I met him—more, even, because he's filled out. He's no longer impossibly lean with his ribs showing. He's beefed up and while he's still not quite as barrel-thick as K'thar, his arms are thick and his shoulders seem impossibly wide. Even now, I can see that his arms are stretching the leather tunic he's wearing, as if it can't quite contain him. I'll ask Callie to help me make him another, I think. He's not a big fan of all the warm layers that this land requires, but he also can't run around in little more than a loincloth like Taushen and Farli do. They're used to the cold. It still bites at T'chai's warm island bones.

Plus, I kind of like that he's covered up. The jealous part of me likes being the only one that gets to see his hotness.

"Good luck, my friend," Farli whispers, leaning over my ear. "May your cunt be extra juicy tonight."

Weird, but I'll go with it. I really hope it is, too. I put my hand over my chest, feeling the crinkle of dried leaves in the packet. Please, please let this help things.

I love T'chai, but my khui's response is tearing us apart.

13

MARI

Even though I've been mated for months now, I'm nervous about tonight. We've given the whole “relationship” thing a few half-hearted shots, but it was easier when he was still recovering. We'd kiss a few times and then I'd say I was tired, or he was tired, but we both knew something was wrong. We haven't tried to have sex since he's recovered. I've even been sleeping in a separate pile of furs. At first it was because I didn't want to accidentally touch one of his still-healing wounds, but now it's just…what we do. He hasn't asked me to sleep with him again, and I haven't suggested it.

It's hard to suggest intimacy with your partner when you don't feel much of anything at all.

Ever since Veronica “turned off” my cootie, things have felt odd. Distant. Even when T'chai was sickest and I worried that all of Veronica's healing wouldn't work, it didn't truly hit me. It's like my emotions were muted when my khui was, because nothing seems to affect me. I didn't feel great joy at the sight of T'chai walking around again. Relief, yes, but it's a much milder emotion than joy. Shouldn't I have felt more? And I haven't felt the need to hide lately. When we first got here, I wanted to hide all the time because it helped soothe the anxiety of being stranded on an alien planet. Now…I can't find that I care much at all.

I haven't shared this with the others because I don't think they'd understand. I hinted at it to Callie one day and she looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't bring it up again. How do you explain to anyone that your khui isn't right? That it's on strike and it's gone and taken all the good things in the world with it? It's like the only thing my khui reacts to are the things it doesn't like…

Like when my mate touches me.

It's a hell of a position to be in, and it's miserable. I feel very alone, even on this now-crowded beach that seems to brim with couples. One by one, they've been pairing off, and I've been happy for my friends. Life's dealt us a shit hand, so why not try and enjoy what we've got, right?

But it's hard to be around so much happiness and