“Not that there ever has been…” His voice drifted off, and he looked down into his mug.
“Declan, I’m sure there have been many other women in your life.”
“None that mattered.” Then he reached across the table and closed his hand over hers. “Have you been in love these past two decades, Evie?”
“I’ve been in like,” she said. “I’ve wanted to be in love, almost talked myself into it a few times, but…” She lifted a shoulder. “It never happened.”
“And that’s why you’ve never had a baby?”
She dropped back and sighed, wanting to tell him at least some of her journey. “I tried assisted reproduction or donor insemination, as it’s called.”
He curled his lip.
“Exactly,” she replied. “It’s about as inviting as it sounds. And it failed twice, and I didn’t want to go through it again. It was stressful and exhausting.”
“You can get pregnant, though, right?”
“As far as I know, everything is working.”
“And you really want a child,” he said.
“More than life itself,” she whispered, making him close his eyes as if she’d hit a bull’s-eye. She squeezed his hand. “But the fact that I don’t have one isn’t your fault, Declan.”
He looked at her, silent, obviously not agreeing with that.
“I also looked into adoption, here and overseas.”
“How far did you get?”
“Not very,” she admitted, shaking her head. “I didn’t have whatever a person has to have to go that route alone. Time, energy, enthusiasm, unspeakable courage. None of it was there for me. If someone had handed me a baby and said, ‘Here, this is yours to raise and love,’ I would have been delirious. But the process is designed to weed out the weaklings, and I guess I was one of those.”
He snorted. “You’re anything but weak.”
“I wasn’t strong enough to do that alone. So maybe I’m not strong enough to be a single mother. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It’s too late.”
“Is it?”
She searched his eyes for a clue to what he was thinking. It wasn’t hard to figure out, not when she could read his eyes as well as anyone on this earth. “You’re not still thinking about that, are you?” she asked.
“I’m not…not thinking about it.”
“Declan.”
“Evie.”
She smiled. “Step back and try to work out the logistics of that for a minute, will you?”
“A little complicated since you live in Raleigh and I live here, but…”
“Are you moving to Raleigh?” she challenged. “Because if I had a child that belonged to you, I know darn well you’d want to be with him or her every day.”
“Probably.”
“And your family would want to be…”
“Yeah,” he said on a laugh. “Whatever a family could be to a kid, mine would be it on steroids.”
“And what if you met someone, and you wanted a family with her?”
He stared at her.
“You could meet and marry a twenty-five-year-old or thirty-year-old, Declan. How would she feel about you having a kid with another woman who—”
He pressed his fingers against her lips. “Shhh. You’re getting worked up about a hypothetical woman who, I can already tell you, would be exactly like every other woman I’ve ever dated.”
“Which is…”
He tipped his head, looking surprised she didn’t know. “Not Evie.”
“Declan.” She pressed his hands as an indescribable pleasure danced through her at the words.
“Sorry, it’s true. Like you, I’ve tried and wanted and given things a chance, but in the end, I only wanted…you.” He lifted their joined hands, drawing her fingers closer and stroking her knuckles. “And I don’t know how to tell you how good it feels to admit that.”
Holding his gaze, she nodded. “We sure did ruin each other for everyone else.”
“Truth.” He kissed her knuckles and pointed at her. “And you, sweet doctor, are dead tired.”
She touched her face. “Can you tell?”
“Yep. I know you. I’m going to follow you home and make sure you don’t fall asleep at the wheel, then pick you up tomorrow for Sunday dinner.”
“Whoa, you have it all figured out, don’t you?”
He laughed. “Tomorrow, maybe. After that? It’s a blur.”
“Okay. But one quick stop first?”
“Where to?”
She pointed in the direction of the animal hospital. “Let’s say good night to Judah and make sure he’s sleeping and comfortable.”
“See that?” He dropped some money on the check and reached for her hand to bring her out of the booth. “It’s like we have a kid already.”
If only it were that easy.
Chapter Seventeen
“Wait. What? Is that a legit Bloody Mary that just went into your mouth?” Connor leaned in and sniffed the drink. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you actually drink