grounded than I ever have. Seeing you struggle with your awesome power—watching you charge at it with utter fearlessness—you’ve bolstered my courage. You’ve turned my life around, Jacinta.” His use of my whole name spread goosebumps across my skin. “I want to thank you for that. You’ve made me a better man.”
Without thinking, I slipped my hand down his forearm and entwined our fingers. I leaned my head against his shoulder.
“Yeah. I’m pretty great,” I said.
He huffed out a laugh, pulling our joined hands across his lap and putting his other on top of them.
“You already know what you mean to me,” I said seriously. “I wouldn’t be where I am without you. I need you. The house needs you.” I hesitated, trying to hold back what I knew I shouldn’t say. What I knew I shouldn’t even think. But the desire to get it out was too strong. “I want you.”
He tensed, his shoulder bulging against my cheek, his hands putting pressure on mine. I lifted my face a little, remembering the sensation of leaning into him in that cart, our lips almost connecting as I twisted toward him.
He lowered his head a little, sweeping his lips across my forehead, then started to blaze a trail down my face, but he shook his head and pulled back. He gave my hand a last squeeze before dropping it gently to my knee.
“I want you too, please know that, but I will respect the boundaries we’ve set. It might sting now, but I have a feeling you’ll thank me for it tomorrow, when the scene isn’t so pretty and wine isn’t flowing.”
“Yeah,” I said dismally, my body on fire, my core pounding, even if deep down I knew he was right. “So annoying. I really need to break this dry spell.”
He blew out a hard breath before pouring himself a full glass of wine and standing, walking out to the edge of the shelf. I thought about wrapping my arms around my knees and letting this sting me, but I wasn’t twenty anymore. I was capable of thinking about more than just my own feelings.
I grabbed my half glass and went to him, moving the muffling spell as I did.
“We are still in the cone of silence,” I said as I stopped by his side. “You okay? Did I say something wrong?”
“I want to help you with that, Jess. I really do. I want to remind you how fun sex can be. How amazing. I want to remind you what intense passion feels like.” He paused. “Maybe I want you to remind me. But damn it, I can’t. I can’t for your sake and mine. I can’t because of what it would mean for me, and how it would trap you. It’s not a line I can cross.”
I furrowed my brow, not sure how it could possibly trap me. I let it go, though. He seemed torn, on edge. I didn’t want to make this any harder, because he was right. He had his reasons for wanting to stay solo, and I had my reasons for holding back, even if my convictions had become a little wobbly lately. We were a couple of adults. We could make this work.
“Totally,” I said, my tone light and a little flippant, trying to ease the mood. “I’m not beat up about it, Austin. I understand. I’m thankful, actually. This is definitely for the best.”
He looked away. “I’m here for whatever you need, at any time, but I don’t think I can hear about your sexual exploits…when you start having them. Anything else is fair game, but…” He shook his head. “Probably not that.”
“Mutual, because that’s gross. Men talking about women like that.”
“Double standard?” He glanced down at me with a sly smile.
“Yes. This one time the sexual double standard goes the opposite way. You have to let us have this one.”
He chuckled. “Fair enough. It’s probably better that we can’t hook up. You’d tell everyone what a bad lay I was.”
“Happened before, has it?” I wrapped my arm around his. “Can we go sit down to our G-rated picnic now? I have more tastings to do. Oh, and I need to ask your advice.”
“I thought we just cleared the air about that,” he teased, walking me back and lowering me to my place before taking his seat.
“Oh, you meant my solo sexual fun, too?”
His whole body stiffened. Fire lit his eyes. He leaned forward, braced his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes