this day and age, though. Their little cameras are so fast. Much faster than those old upright, standing cameras. Remember those? Better picture, too. I have to be on my game. It keeps me busy. Kind of slow in the winter months, though.”
My knuckles were white on the bars. “You are welcome to haunt my woods. They’re glorious, and I have a diligent groundskeeper. If you let me out, you can roam to your heart’s content. I’ll even let you flash the locals—whatever you’re into. Or money. How about money? I can give you—”
He shook his head. “I have no need for money.” He spread his arms. “I don’t wear clothes. Woods, though, huh?”
“Acres and acres. Have you heard of Ivy House? Down in—”
“Oh yes, Ivy House. Now there’s a name out of my memories. Ivy House, yes. Lovely woods, there. Enchanted woods, my favorite kind. I like the way the magic feels on my—”
“No, no.” I pushed my hand out through the bars. I was worried he might start talking about his begonias.
He knew of Ivy House, though. We couldn’t be too far away. Given his predilection for the woods and the size of this cave, we might be in the Sierras. Not far at all, in the grand scheme of things.
Not that it mattered if I couldn’t get him to let me out.
“Lots of enchanted woods and lovely gardens,” I pushed.
“I do love the taste of flowers. They are scarce this time of year.”
“We have lots of flowers! Our groundskeeper, he’s a vampire—”
The creature sucked in a breath.
“You don’t have to talk to the vampire,” I rushed to say. “You don’t even have to see him. He’s a little crazy anyway. I get it.”
“Vampires are not the right sort. I used to try to capture them so I could pop off their heads and bowl them through the rest of their kind.”
“Right.” I grimaced. That was gruesome. “Well…he’s pretty tame. He’s really old. He got kicked out of his—”
“But I do so love flowers. Magical woods produce the best-tasting flowers.”
“Yes. We have lots and lots. The…groundskeeper wins the local festival every year for his gardening. That’s how good he is.”
The creature dropped his hand from his belly and looked back at that shadowy area. “My duty is to guard the prisoner. I cannot go back on my duty.”
“But”—hand still pushed through the bars, I stuck out a finger—“if you don’t get paid for it, is it really your obligation? You don’t even like the job. Maybe you should break the mold, let me out, and go back to—”
“I do love flowers,” he murmured, still looking at the shadowy area. “I’m salivating even thinking about them.”
“You could just free me and go.” I shrugged. “We have trespassers on Ivy House that you could scare, and then you could feast on all the flowers. Bring me down, and—”
“Oh no. They might hear. The crank is very rusty. I nearly went deaf trying to get you up there.”
That didn’t bode well.
I resumed holding the bars. “How about a key? Could you throw up the key?”
He scratched his head in a way that made me wonder if he had fleas. “How about this? I will just…go on break.”
I lifted my eyebrows even though he probably couldn’t see that. It gave me something to do while I tried to make sense of his words.
“Yes.” He nodded his great, shaggy head. “I used to get breaks, I remember. It isn’t my fault that no one is here to relieve me. It is my break, and so I must leave.”
“No, but—”
“And on this break, maybe I’ll get delayed. Yes, maybe I’ll sprain my ankle. That’s not my fault. Hikers sprain their ankles all the time. One fell off a little cliff and rolled a ways after seeing me. No one blamed him for that. He and his friends had to make a splint before they all hobbled away. It took a bit of time. A lunch break and a sprain, that should be enough time for you to escape.” He put his fist in the air. “Any mistress of Ivy House would have the magic to escape in that time, right? And if you’re lying, and you’re not the mistress of Ivy House…well, I’ll see you back here in a while, saddened that you lied about the flowers.”
“No, but you don’t understand. I just got the position. I don’t have all the magic yet!”
He turned for the shadowy area, his stride long and his speed