“Sorry.” I move to switch it off, and she shakes her head.
“It’s okay.” She smiles. “Who was that?”
“Lucy. Who else? Her band has a show tonight, I guess.”
“Are you going?”
I widen my eyes and shake my head so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t fall right off my neck. “No!”
“Why not?”
“Mom. You know why not.” The video of my speech is out there on the Internet, making the rounds, although the numbers have started to slow on YouTube, thank god. The other day, my mom watched it, finally. She said that no matter what anyone says, what happened wasn’t my fault.
Still, Rose-Brady told my mom that the board won’t make a final decision about my status at school until everything gets much, much calmer. She’s apparently fighting for me, though—again—which is more than I deserve.
There’s no way I can go out in public right now.
No. I respond to Lucy.
A text bubble pops up immediately.
Yes.
No.
May, get your ass out of your bed.
Lucy, leave me alone.
Never.
I look up, and my mom’s smiling. I realize that it’s because I’m smiling. I haven’t smiled in over a week.
“Go.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “It’ll be okay.”
“What will?”
“All of this—all of us. We will be okay. I promise.”
Another text from Lucy dings on my phone: Zach will be there.
I swallow. Look up at my mom. “Zach will be there.”
She smiles. “Go.”
I look down at my phone, hesitate for a second, and write: Fine. I’ll go.
Lucy’s response is instantaneous. Yes!!!! I’ll pick you up in 20.
“I have to change!” I shove my chair back with more energy than I’ve felt in weeks, then pause. I can’t leave my mom here all alone right after we’ve come back together.
She sees my hesitation. “It’s okay. I promise. Go.”
I swallow and nod. “I miss him, Mom.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, honey. I miss him too. Every second of every day.”
* * *
—
Lucy picks me up, and it takes me several minutes to realize that her drum set isn’t in her backseat.
“Luce, where’s your stuff?”
“Huh?” She glances back, and for a second, I swear she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “Oh, yeah. My drums. Um, Conor took them for me. I had to get something fixed earlier, but I didn’t have time, so he did it for me.”
I give her a weird look. “Okay…” She’s been shifty and vague since I got in the car. We lapse into silence for a while. The burned-looking landscape of Los Angeles rolls by, the green of the palm trees bright against the beige of the underwatered grass. I think about Jordan and my mom and Zach and what I could possibly say to him to make him understand.
We turn onto a long road, heading up into the hills of Topanga Canyon, and I glance over at Lucy. “Where are we going?”
“We’re almost there.” Her half answers are starting to freak me out. Outside the car, the night is dark. There are no streetlights. We’re bumping along some half-paved road to god knows where.
“Luce, where are you taking me? I’m serious. I can’t handle any surprises right now.” My entire body is tensing back up. I can’t believe I let her talk me into leaving the house. This was a mistake, just like most things I do. When will I learn?
She glances over, and I must have a petrified expression on my face. She decides to take pity on me. “I told you. I have a show.”
“In the middle of nowhere?” I can’t believe she would do this to me, and right now, of all times.
She shakes her head. “Chill. Just trust me, okay?”
We pull into a steep driveway, and when we get to the top, Lucy manages