her husband, Ronan, who was handling security along with Dirty’s head of security, Jude. Xander and Courteney. Ash and Danica. Matt, who was flying solo, as far as I could tell. Brody’s wife, Jessa was there, along with all the members of Dirty and their partners. There was a whole bunch of us crammed into the hall that ran just behind and below the stage, drinking, talking, getting pumped up for the show.
In reality, I knew they were all here for me. They could’ve just as easily been up in the VIP room or wherever. But they’d all showed up to look me in the eye and wish me well.
This was a big night for the Players.
But it was an even bigger night for me, and everyone knew it.
Out front, there were a ton of people Brody had invited. Trey and his team from Brick House Records. Media. More VIPs, family and friends up in the VIP room.
And of course, fans.
I could hear them now, making a whole lot of noise for Breakneck as they finished their set. The band started to come offstage, and when they saw me, half of them did a double-take, like they couldn’t believe I’d actually made it.
“Looking forward to the show, man,” Johnny told me, and then they headed off to clean up.
I knew that meant the Players’ set was coming, and the nerves started to hit.
“We knew this would happen,” Taylor told me calmly. “Just breathe.”
So I breathed.
Talia brought me a cold beer and I thanked her. I took a sip and did my best to relax, just trying to focus on one thing at a time. But relaxing in the middle of this chaos was impossible to do.
Security was tight every way I looked, and it put me more at ease. This was no joke. We were firmly entrenched in the big leagues, and we’d barely shot out of the gate.
No going back now.
That was what Gabe used to say whenever we hit some scary crossroads that would take us deeper into the unknown—and higher into the stratosphere of fame and fortune.
No going back now, brother.
The members of Dirty all came by to wish me a great show, and Zane said, “I hope this means we’ll be seeing you around some more.” I knew he was talking about the tour. The world tour that Dirty was headlining, with the Players opening up. It kicked off in mere weeks, and I’d basically agreed to stay with the Players and come on the tour—as long as I could get through this night.
I’d told Brody and the band, I just need to get up onstage again, and make sure.
They’d agreed to those terms like a bunch of drunken fools.
I hadn’t signed a contract yet, but no one seemed all that worried about it. Except me. So much was riding on this night, but in the end… I just wanted to enjoy it.
And decide about the tour tomorrow.
“I hope so,” I told Zane and the rest of his band, who were crowded around.
“Like maybe we’ll see you at our wedding next month?” Seth said casually, his arm around Elle.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be there.”
I wondered if I really meant it. I was pretty sure I did, but right now, I was just taking it one day at a time.
There were still good days, bad days, and worse days.
But there were also incredible days.
Tonight was the Players’ first live show for an audience. This show had been put off a bit already, basically to accommodate me. And not because I was stalling. Because I was trying to get as much therapy in as I could before I stepped onstage.
Besides continuing on with my talk therapy, I’d been hanging out with a horse.
Taylor was loving it, even when I came home smelling like horse shit.
I was loving it, too. Who knew? I’d never really pictured myself as a cowboy or anything.
But when you looked into an animal’s eyes and you couldn’t bullshit it because it could feel when you were bullshitting it… it was fucking humbling. It kinda stripped everything else away and left you with nothing but to dig deep and do the work. I’d been enjoying it so much, I’d been considering getting a rescue dog. I wasn’t sure how Freddy would feel about that, though. I’d also considered buying my own horse. It could be a therapy horse, so other people could also work with it and benefit from it. That was one of the