I wanted him to fuck me fast and hard. Possess me. Use me.
I wanted him to hold me down, so I could feel the ferocity of his desire.
I wanted him to take like he used to.
But when he thrust into me, a strange thing happened.
He seemed to abandon his control and everything just… flowed. Every touch. Every kiss. Every breath. It was like a perfect, rolling tide. Like silk rippling on water. Everywhere I ended and he began, every caress I reciprocated, every moan he echoed back to me.
We became one pulsing, living entity as we entwined.
Like it was always meant to be this way.
It was always meant to be us.
Together.
We moved together. We breathed together. We rolled together.
We even peaked together.
The intensity of everything I was feeling was only heightened knowing he was feeling the same thing. We held tight as the pleasure destroyed us both. As it stripped us down, tore us apart, and fused us back together, naked and new. The pleasure and release and trust in each other’s arms was our promise.
A new beginning. A clearing of the slate.
I’d forgive him anything if he’d just hold me like this forever.
He’d never shut me out again if I’d just keep him safe, deep inside me.
We gripped each other and whispered sweet words against one another’s skin, kissing and holding each other long after we were both spent. He didn’t even pull out.
We couldn’t stand to let each other go.
Why did he ever let me go?
“I’m lost without you,” he whispered against my neck.
“You were lost when I found you,” I told him.
“Yeah. But this is a different kind of lost.” He shifted his hips, finally pulling out. He looked into my eyes, settling on the pillow next to me with a deep sigh. “If I could never make music again, I’d be so fucking lost, I don’t know if I’d ever find my way out of the dark again. I feel lost like that when you’re gone, Taylor. I need you like I need the music.”
I blew out a breath, trying to relax into this shift between us. We were together again, at least for now. We were talking. I was in his bed.
I’d wanted this moment, so bad. But now that it was here and he was saying the things I so needed him to say… I was still angry. I was still scared. I was still hurt.
“Then why did you send me away?” I asked him.
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You are such an idiot.”
He choked out a laugh. “Truer words have never been spoken.”
“What did you really think would happen?” I propped myself up on my elbow, looking him in the eye. “I’d go merrily on my way like we never met? Like you’d never seared yourself right into my heart and possessed my soul? Like my whole world didn’t rip right open when we fucked? Like I didn’t love you?”
“I don’t know,” he said, at a loss. “I thought… I was keeping you out of harm’s way.”
“Out of your way?”
“Yes.”
“And then what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what did you think was going to happen next? You know, when I got over you, like, Fuck that guy anyway, and moved on?” I was joking, but he wasn’t amused.
“I really didn’t want to think about that.”
“But you did. Didn’t you? I move on without you, and then, what? I meet some other guy who treats me like crap? Pretends to be a nice guy, but then deceives me? I’ve been there before, and I can tell you, it harmed me.”
He shook his head. Clearly, he didn’t like hearing about that, but too fucking bad. It was true.
“Or maybe I meet a guy who does treat me well. Like gold. But guess what? He’s not you. He doesn’t understand my weird questions about mermaid sex or think it’s cute that I have a hole in my sock or think I’m worthy of being his music studio manager even though I’m woefully underqualified. He’s. Not. You.” My eyes sparked with hot tears. “And that means he could never be right enough for me. Because he doesn’t love me like you do. Is that what you want for me?”
His eyes gleamed with tears, too. “No.”
“You really think you can trust some random jerk to love me like you do?”
“No.”
“Then what the hell were you thinking all that time we were apart?”
He shook his head again. “I just… I kept thinking of you out there meeting