Love In Slow Motion (Love Beyond Measure #2) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,77

just need to know that it starts here.”

“Just a chance,” Ilan breathed out, like he was making the promise to himself, not Fredric. “And if…if I can’t,” he said, then stopped. “If whatever inside me has been so wrong for all these years stays wrong, and you need something more than I can give you…”

He couldn’t imagine a world in which that would be possible, but he owed Ilan at least one promise tonight, and he could make that one. Tugging their joined hands toward him, he pressed the warm knuckles to his lips and let them linger for a long, long moment. “We will never be broken.”

Ilan’s breath was softer this time, but still trembling—just like his hands. But instead of pulling away, instead of letting whatever he was feeling get the best of him, he didn’t let go.

Chapter 17

Ilan’s head wasn’t really in his meeting, but he was paying his consultant enough money that if he missed out on a day, he trusted things would get done anyway. From the plan in place, it looked like he could have his place up and running by late spring. It was enough time to get his head on straight, but more than that, it was enough time for him to see if this thing with Fredric was going somewhere.

He was still reeling from Fredric baring his soul, from him sitting on the sofa with Ilan’s hand in his and telling him that this meant more than what they’d always been to each other. That it had for a while, that the moment he felt back at the beach during Bryce and Ashton’s wedding was more than just a drunken night of scotch and feelings.

Ilan hadn’t let himself think of it again after that. They’d been close, but they didn’t cross lines. They’d touched more than usual, but Ilan chalked it up to Fredric feeling a lost and a little lonely. His marriage was ending, his son was falling in love—life was changing in ways neither of them had ever expected.

It was a shared moment of… well, fear, he supposed. Or at least of hesitation as they faced the unknown. But to hear Fredric talk about it like it meant more than that rekindled a hope he hadn’t let himself nurture, not even for a second. It was a fleeting brush of hands, a quiet laugh, a single, shared beat of their heart.

And now it wasn’t.

Fredric wasn’t asking for the world, he said. He wasn’t even asking for commitment. He was just asking for a reason to hope. He never thought he’d be faced with the choice of running or staying when Fredric was on the other end.

The moment on the sofa didn’t go beyond what he was comfortable with, though. They touched more and sat closer. They ate at the table and took the walk on the beach that Fredric had asked for. The night was cool, so they stayed close, palms pressed together, and Ilan basked in the warmth coming off the other man.

“Did you still want to know about the sky?” he asked as they stopped to let Bas sniff at a small pile of seaweed.

Ilan couldn’t see much in the hazy glow of night, but he could hear the smile in Fredric’s voice when he answered. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, it’s cloudy,” Ilan said with some defeat. They stood just barely out of the reach of the high tide, the waves threatening to wash over their toes. Bas was running off ahead, chasing skittering ghost crabs moving like shadows across the white dunes, and Fredric’s hand stayed firmly in his. “I went stargazing the other night, though. I took out the kayak and paddled for about a mile. I think it’s very nearly the same sky as home, but…”

“But,” Fredric pressed after a beat.

“But it doesn’t look like it.” He gazed upward again, at a single patch of sky with two stars visible in the break between clouds. He was viciously and almost cruelly reminded of his dad. He was five, maybe six, and he was having a nightmare. They lived in a little apartment with a balcony barely big enough for a folding beach chair, and he stood at the railing and sang him a song in Hebrew. Ilan had long forgotten the words, but it was something about the moon watching over him.

He felt lonely suddenly, yet grounded with Fredric so near. And losing him would kill him, but he was fairly sure that not trying