it is. But what do you really want, like really want to do more than anything?’ I’m desperate for her to do what she really loves, instead of hanging on for me to become something I never will. She’s a free spirit. Settling down is not for her, I know it isn’t.
She hesitates a moment. ‘I’d really like to go travelling again, see more of the world. I don’t want to stay here. This pandemic has just made me want to go even more desperately.’
‘That’s good. I think it’s made us all have a rethink, change our priorities.’
‘I guess you’re right. I don’t want to give up travelling; I had no idea you wouldn’t have wanted to come.’
‘Not any more,’ I say gently.
‘Are you sure there isn’t someone else?’ She sounds suspicious all of a sudden.
I wait a moment before replying, ‘Yes, there is.’
‘I knew it,’ she spits triumphantly.
It had been going pretty well until now, but I don’t want to lie to her. We need to be honest with each other. ‘Not like that. I mean I don’t even know if she likes me – we’ve never met face to face – but it’s made me realise.’
‘Realise what? That doesn’t sound like a proper relationship.’
Of course it doesn’t. She must think I’m mad and, honestly, to be dumped for someone I haven’t even met does sound crazy, although it’s not like that. Laura and I were finished a long time ago. ‘Maybe it isn’t, but either way, it’s made me want to change myself, or rather, find my old self for the better,’ I try to explain.
There’s a long silence at the other end of the line. ‘If you really feel like that, I understand. Maybe I’m trying to hang on to something that never was.’
‘I don’t know. We were younger then; maybe we just didn’t really know what we wanted. I think we both deserve better than an unhappy marriage and that’s before all the other pressures life can throw our way.’
‘I know.’ There’s another silence. ‘I’ll think about it … and, Jack?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I hope it works out for you.’
For a moment I can’t trust myself to speak and end up gulping instead. ‘Thanks, Laura. As soon as this is over, do that travelling. You only get one shot.’
‘I might just do that.’ She pauses a moment. ‘Whoever this girl is, she must be quite something. Before, you could never even talk to me about how you felt about your operations let alone admit as much to me as you have today. Goodbye, Jack.’
‘Bye, Laura.’
I hang up and stare at the screen. At least that’s progress. Somehow I do feel sad. Right now a lot of my pent-up anger at Laura has ebbed away. She’s no easy person, an understatement really, but I was an idiot. I genuinely hope she finds happiness. We just jumped in too fast.
I check my phone again but Sophia still hasn’t read my text. I peer over the balcony as earlier I sent down the wine box and a bacon butty. But it’s still there, resting outside the railings, untouched; I don’t think she’s even opened her door.
Chapter 19
Sophia
I need to concentrate on today’s lessons. The busier I am the less I can think about things like pandemics, the number of people who are sick, lonely people stuck in the flats, the daily update and Jack. It’s best to just block it all out. Like it never happened. Like our friendship never existed. After all, it might as well not have happened. As it turns out, I don’t know him at all. I don’t even think we’re friends. Friends don’t leave out vital details like the fact that they’re married. There are no secrets between good mates.
This relationship, whatever it is, was all in my head, the result of being in my flat too much and my usual way of feeling sorry for people. I can’t help it, I’m just one of those people who always worries about the underdog. Whenever I’m watching movies with the girls and someone gets their just desserts, I still feel kind of bad for them. The others always say, ‘You’re too soft, Sophia,’ and I probably am. So no more Miss Nice, hello Miss Reality Check. This is how it is from now on.
‘So,’ I say to the neatly spaced expectant faces, sitting carefully at two metres distant from each other and in front of me. ‘Today I’ve asked you to bring in something that’s special to you