well it’s been difficult.’ What’s been most difficult is the fact Laura is convinced that I’m still going to go back to her. ‘But the thing is, Laura, things have changed. I’ve changed.’ There’s silence on the end of the line and I hope she’s still there. ‘Have you received the papers?’
‘Papers?’ she echoes as though I am speaking in a different language and she has never heard of divorce papers, let alone received any. This is what makes her so darned difficult to deal with. She’s as slippery as those things in arcade machines that you pay money to try to win.
Okay, keep calm, Jack. Count to ten. ‘The divorce petition.’
‘I don’t think I …’
‘Because Malcolm Peterson says he delivered it to you at 12.20 on 16th March.’
‘I don’t remember – maybe it was my neighbour Kev.’
‘It was definitely you. You signed for it.’ Wow, nothing about this girl changes. It somehow strengthens my resolve. I’m doing the right thing.
There’s a silence as she digests the information. ‘He was sent from Fraser Symonds. As you apparently didn’t receive the last two copies, I paid for this one to be delivered by hand to you.’
‘You really mean business don’t you?’
‘To be honest yes.’
‘You only ever phone when you want something. Did you ever care for me?’
I’m not going to fall for this. Not this time, even though her tone has changed and she’s plaintive, pleading almost. ‘Yes. I did. You know what we had was really special and meant a lot to us both and we had some amazing times but it wasn’t healthy. We weren’t suited at all. In the end all that was left was toxicity.’
‘We could have tried again.’
‘It still wouldn’t have worked. Look, Laura, when I met you I was angry. I was running away from years of childhood illness, failed medical procedures. I just wasn’t in a good space. I went to Greece to get away from reality, to actually live a life away from hospitals, meds, my parents who have helicoptered around me for ever. Wanting the best for me, but I found it all so stifling. I just wanted to be normal, have a laugh, be relaxed like my mates.’
She remains silent so I continue, ‘I did love you. Who wouldn’t? You were sparky and fun, full of zest for life. We had a ball together. I’m never going to forget that, but we should never have married. I’m not the guy for you and you aren’t the girl for me. I’ve changed now; I’m not that carefree bloke you thought you were marrying. He was just a knee-jerk reaction to a life I wasn’t happy with. The Jack you married doesn’t exist.’
‘But I could have changed, too.’ She’s making me feel really bad now, but this happens every time. I need to stay strong; I know I’m not the right guy for her. We are so completely and utterly different but she doesn’t understand that. I’m not the person she thinks she wants.
‘You did change. Into this clingy person who I don’t even recognise. And that was my fault. You’re so much better than that, Laura, and somewhere you will find a guy who makes you happy, who wants that adrenaline ride for real, that constant spark you can get from each other.’
‘You might find that part of yourself again. We could go back to Greece, start over.’
‘But I don’t want to. I’ve decided to study. Do that college course I always wanted to take.’ I’ve surprised myself, but now I’ve said it, I’m realising how determined I am to do it.
‘What college course?’ Typical Laura – I told her all about my ideas for this course last year. She had been totally against the idea, said it was a waste of time and I would be bored.
‘The one I was going to do before all this kicked in. At the Chiropractic College. It’s what I wanted for years before … before I got so darned angry and sick of everything.’ My God I’m surprising myself with what I’m coming out with. It’s all true, but seems to have been buried somewhere ridiculously deep until now. I still want to do this course. I’d love to be a sports physio – really help people with back issues, sports injuries. ‘You know I was inspired by the physio at the hospital; he changed so many lives for the better,’ I say. ‘I’ve got loads of ideas.’