Love at the Little Wedding Shop by the Sea - Jane Linfoot Page 0,132

shouldn’t you be on hers? She hates feeling responsible for your guilt. All she wants is for you to start being normal again.’

One small grunt is all that comment gets. ‘I never thought of it that way.’

I’ve got a few fleeting moments to make him look at this differently. ‘Pixie hasn’t just made the best of it. She and Ewan wouldn’t be how they are without the accident. She probably wouldn’t swap back to her old life if it meant giving up what she has now, because they’re truly, properly happy. They love each other as they are. That’s such an amazing thing to find that the rest doesn’t matter.’ I stop and take a breath before I fire the biggest gun. ‘The cloud on her horizon isn’t that she can’t walk anymore – it’s that her brother is wrecking his life on her behalf because he won’t let go of the past.’ It feels like I’ve gone too far, but it’s my one chance to save him from himself.

He lets out a groan. ‘Oh shit.’

‘There’s something else too.’ Now I’ve started, I might as well give him all of my insight. ‘When my mum was ill, she didn’t ever grumble about how hellish it was not to be able to move a finger to scratch herself, not being able to swallow. She was never resentful about what she was losing, that bit by bit, day by day, her body wouldn’t work anymore. What made her apoplectic was when she saw someone who was lucky enough to be well, wasting their life.’

Nic swallows. ‘She’d have been furious with me, then.’

I’m nodding. ‘Too right. Circumnavigating the globe like an albatross looking for a pity party when you could have been living your best life? For four years now, too. That’s such a lot of your life to waste. If she could still have talked, she’d have given you such a bollocking you’d have heard her all the way to the village green.’ I’m hearing the words so clearly, it’s as if Mum’s saying them herself. I put a hand on his arm and squeeze it. ‘Everyone here, including you, helped me learn to love myself. Maybe it’s time for you to let the guilt go. Learn to forgive yourself.’

He lets out a sigh. ‘Until I do, I’m no use to anyone, am I?’ He shakes his head. ‘Okay, I accept I’ve got a problem, now I need to address it. Six months is a long time to do that. Now it’s happening, it feels more like forever.’

I’m parroting it back at him. ‘With an option to extend.’ I’m shaking my head because I want to support him as much as he’s supported me. ‘No one blames you, Nic. We all care about you, we all want the best for you. But you’re the only one who can make this happen.’ Maybe I need to clarify that for one last time. ‘If you sort yourself out, you’ll be the best guy for someone to love.’

He blows. ‘You’re the one person who’s dared to say this. Thanks for being brave enough to tell me the truth, Milla.’ He takes a breath. ‘I love you. For this, as well as the rest.’

I thump my fist onto his biceps. ‘Back at you, Captain K.’ And I’m really not lying. ‘Let’s hope I’ll catch you in another universe.’ Another life. And I’m not lying there either.

We’ve had our chance, and we’ve missed it. Spectacularly. But I’m not deluded either. He’s flying to the other side of the world. Once he’s thousands of miles away, surrounded by beautiful Aussie surfing babes, all helping him work through his problems, the likelihood of him coming back is zero. Seriously, wouldn’t you hit on him if you saw him on the beach?

His eyes narrow in the shadows and his voice is low, urgent. ‘Maybe you could come to visit – check out Sydney, we could sail up the coast, see the coral reefs. I could treat you …’

I’m blocking out how blissful it sounds, because I think this is desperation kicking in. ‘As if that’s going to fit in when I’ve got wedding fairs all the way to Christmas.’

He’s shaking his head now. ‘No, you’re right, of course you wouldn’t want to. Bad idea. It’s not fair of me to ask that either. You’ve just spent six years with a guy who wouldn’t commit. Me asking anything of you is like pushing you to make that same mistake all over