Love Him Free (On the Market #1) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,63

of town. Levi’s car was parked in the back, but Simon skipped the side door to the bakery and went up to the apartment to change. He sat with his cat for a few minutes, feeling a small wave of guilt at neglecting him for his human counterpart, and he wondered if maybe there was a better way to marry their lives together than just stolen nights behind blacked out windows.

He didn’t really want to invite Rocco to stay with him all the time. He was addicted to it now, but Rocco had been clear he needed to take things slow, and Simon knew that was only fair. He just wished it felt better.

He headed back down to the bakery after a little while and found Levi finishing up the last of the challah loaves for their final prove. He turned his head when Simon walked in, then rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he was smiling a little.

“I wish you’d done this earlier.” Levi muttered as Simon grabbed a bag of flour and tipped it onto the scale.

Simon knew what Levi meant, and he bristled. “I could say the same for you.”

Levi narrowed eyes at him, then switched to Hebrew. His had never been as good as Simon’s—mostly because he’d grown up in the States. Bubbe had wanted him to immerse in the English language rather than standing apart the way Simon had, but Simon appreciated when Levi tried. “I’m not going to argue with you.”

Simon tipped cinnamon onto the flour, then moved to the counter where the eggs and butter had been laid out to settle into room temperature. He didn’t answer his brother for a while, instead, tipping what he needed into the metal bowl. He watched the beater swirl through the mixture of sugar, eggs, almond extract, butter… it was hypnotic and cathartic, and helped keep him centered with Levi so close.

It wasn’t that long ago that they were doing this every day, and yet those months apart felt like years. Levi had moved out. He had moved on—in every way. Simon was left behind, but he was trying to catch up.

“Simon?”

He turned his head and offered his brother a smile. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I know you feel cheated out of a real childhood…”

Levi made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “That’s not…”

“Let’s call it what it is,” Simon told him. “I didn’t do a good job after Bubbe died.”

“You were twenty-one,” Levi argued. “I was just as responsible for ruining your life.”

Simon didn’t mean to wince, but the truth of it stung. Caring for Levi hadn’t ruined his life, but it had ruined Levi’s. He grabbed the scoop and the flour, and began to slowly add it to the mixer. It smelled heavily of almond now, and seasoning. He missed Bubbe more than ever in that moment. She’d at least know what to say to not make the situation worse.

“I used school as an escape—just like I used hiding here when I got home,” Simon told him. “I didn’t deal with any of my issues, you know? I just…threw myself into what I thought was supposed to be normal. It blew up in my face every time.”

Levi blew out a puff of air, then hopped up on the counter where all the aprons were waiting to be folded, and he swung his feet a little. Simon’s chest ached at the sight of him—how young he looked suddenly, how very much like the little boy who clung to Bubbe’s skirts and absorbed everything she had to teach him with wide eyes and busy hands.

“She should have given this place to you.”

Levi said nothing until Simon turned the mixer off and unhooked it. It tipped onto the cookie table in a lump—just firm enough to shape with his hands, but still tacky. He laid out a sprinkle of powdered sugar and began to divide the dough into sections.

“Why didn’t she?” Levi’s voice rose over the quiet din.

Simon looked up at him and saw him now sitting in a stream of morning sun—his hair curly and long, almost aglow like it was lit with flames. Levi had the best of both parents—and for a sudden moment, Simon was overcome with another wave of frustration and anger toward his mother for not giving them a chance—for not being willing to try harder.

“Simon, why did she leave it all to you?”

Simon blinked, startled, and it only took a second to