Love Him Free (On the Market #1) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,62

wanted to admit. They were—in a way—forbidden. They were dark and they were erotic and it was the way they were disconnected that Simon related to them. Pleasure without emotion.

This was so much more.

He had been feeling, not quite rejected, but a little unwanted, when Rocco admitted he’d taken care of himself after he left Simon’s apartment. Rocco had meant it as a compliment, he knew, but it wasn’t until Rocco had promised himself to Simon that he became aware of what he needed.

And what he wanted.

He was desperate to know that he mattered as much, that he could make Rocco feel as much. He couldn’t offer everything. Their tentative agreement that any virginity—given and taken—would happen on camera. He was fine with it—he was grateful. But he no longer felt like a virgin, and that was a lot to process.

But part of him was grateful for that too. Finally sinking inside of Rocco would be more than he could have ever imagined. He probably wouldn’t last long, but he would last long enough. Each time Rocco made him come, made him tumble over the edge, it took longer. By the third night, it had taken Rocco a full five minutes to coax the orgasm out of Simon without touching his dick, and it was only after he’d dragged sharp nails up the insides of his thighs and rumbled a moan against the back of Simon’s ear did he let go.

Part of him regretted what he was losing—because it felt special that Rocco could work him up that way. But he recalled an earlier promise, that Rocco would teach him restraint. Through constantly coaxing orgasms, maybe, but it was working. He might last long enough to sink into Rocco’s tight heat before spilling.

Rocco assured him that’s all the viewers would want.

Simon knew he’d feel a little better about the video—and whether or not someone like him was worth watching. He knew he wasn’t unattractive, but he wasn’t gorgeous the way Rocco was—and his body was soft around the edges, chubby and curved rather than muscular. He, of course, had seen Rocco fuck all types of bodies and sizes, and none of them were less erotic than the other. But turning that critical eye on himself wasn’t easy.

He was already struggling to balance his work life with this new personal side, and while the walls weren’t closing in yet, but they were starting to rumble.

Simon took a long drink of his coffee and sighed. He thought about Collin’s suggestion, about talking to a therapist. Cherry Creek had almost nothing in the way of medical care, but Colorado Springs wasn’t too far away. It might be worth it to have space from the place he’d grown up anyway. Anyone who worked in Cherry Creek would know him, and he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to face up to that yet.

Simon dug into the pocket of his sleep pants and drew out his phone. It was nearing six, which meant he’d need to slip out and head home. Levi had been far too eager to take over the late night and early morning prep, and Simon knew it was, in some ways, an apology. Simon didn’t know how to really start with his, because he still hadn’t admitted to his biggest sin.

He wasn’t sure his fragile relationship with Levi would survive it.

In truth, for it to make sense—for Simon’s lies and the things he’d hidden to be forgivable—he’d have to tell Levi everything. He’d have to confess about his mother, about Bubbe, the full extent of his covenant with Hashem. Levi would laugh at the last one, but the first two would break his heart, and shattering the illusion that their mother would have loved him and doted on him and made things better…Simon wasn’t sure he had the heart, or the strength.

But it was Wednesday. It was Simon’s last day of filming with Rocco, and it was the beginning of an end. And maybe, the beginning of something else, too. It was the start to existing in a relationship with Rocco that didn’t revolve around the debt hanging over Simon’s head. At the very least, Rocco knew where all of Simon’s skeletons were buried, and what they looked like, and he liked him anyway.

He finished his coffee, dressed, then left a quick note for Rocco like he’d been doing every morning. He was grateful starting his car couldn’t wake Rocco up, and he headed all the way back into the heart