Love Him Free (On the Market #1) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,38
when she didn’t.’
Rocco’s face fell. ‘That’s probably not true.’
Simon gave a small shrug. In truth, it didn’t matter. He’d fucked up more than Levi when it came to their relationship. ‘I was anxious, and my grandmother didn’t know how to deal with it, so she just…hovered. Levi resented me for that. I think he believes things with my mom were better than they were but…she couldn’t stand him.’
Rocco’s eyes widened. ‘When he was a baby?’
‘He looks exactly like my dad,’ Simon told him with a tense smile. ‘She couldn’t look at him. So, I took care of him when my grandmother was working. But I had nightmares all the time. Of her dying—of him dying. Of being left all alone in this place to rot.’ He closed his eyes and breathed out. ‘After my grandmother passed, I made a bargain with God. I would live a strict, obedient life, and Levi would be safe.’
‘Simon…’ Rocco spelled his name in slow, careful letters.
‘I know, it’s stupid. I know that’s not how it works. I know that God probably laughed in my face when I tried to make a deal with him. But I was too afraid to go back on it. And Levi felt like I was suffocating him, and I probably was. I’m not great with people, not even my own brother.’
‘You’re not unkind.’
‘No,’ Simon agreed, ‘but I’m hard to love. Levi has all-but told me so, and he has a right to. I’ve made his life more difficult than it had to be. The food truck was…that was part of my apology.’
Rocco cocked his head to the side. ‘And the rest?’
‘It’ll be the truth,’ Simon confessed. ‘I’ll tell him that our grandmother didn’t want this life for him—that she wanted to give it to me because she didn’t think I was strong enough to walk away from Cherry Creek, but she knew he would.’
‘He’s still here,’ Rocco pointed out.
Simon laughed. ‘She wasn’t always right, she just believed she was.’
‘Could you…give it to him?’ Rocco offered. ‘The bakery?’
Simon shook his head. ‘It’s too far in the hole, and not enough people live and shop here to save it. Besides, Levi wants something of his own—even if he thinks he wants this place. He needs to be himself—new and trendy and bright. He’s the lightning in a storm, he needs to be bigger than this sky.’
Rocco bit his lip. ‘Maybe…’
Simon touched his wrist. ‘Even if I can pull myself out of this debt, the bakery has been losing money for years. It’s just…time. The town outgrew it.’
Rocco bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry. I wish I could help.’ He reached for Simon then, but Simon rose, stepping out of his grasp.
He was letting loose now, letting it all come out, and he wasn’t going to stop here. ‘Sorry,’ he said when Rocco looked almost hurt. ‘I’m sorry. Just…there’s more.’
Rocco blinked, then nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘I like you,’ he said, and he both loved and hated the way Rocco’s bright smile could make his stomach swoop, could make him feel like he was hovering inches above the ground. ‘But I’m a mess.’
Rocco laughed at that, loud and unexpected. ‘Simon, I’m a mess. My boyfriend of almost fifteen years has been fucking my agent, and now my ex-agent is trying to force me into paying his usual percentage for any film I do for the next three years. And my lawyer thinks he might have a case.’
Simon blinked at him. ‘Oh no.’
Rocco nodded miserably. ‘I wasn’t in love with my ex when he left me. I was angry that he lied, angry that he put me at risk, angry that I lost my interpreter because of him. But I haven’t loved him for years.’
Simon took in a breath. ‘You deserve better.’
‘Yes,’ Rocco signed firmly. ‘Yes, I do. And I like you.’
Simon shook his head and took a step back. ‘You don’t know enough.’
Standing, Rocco tried to close the distance between them, but Simon was worked up now, and he knew if Rocco touched him, that would be it, and that’s not how he wanted Rocco to find out he was a walking disaster virgin who couldn’t hold his come.
‘Wait,’ he begged, and Rocco stopped. ‘Last night,’ his fingers shook, and he had to stop for a second. ‘Last night, when you kissed me…that was my first kiss.’
Rocco’s hands hovered in the air between them. ‘With a man?’
Simon bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood, and he shook his head.