again, Jett’s gaze dropped to the bag before he focused on Derreck again. “You know one meal at this place is like two for me. Would you like to come in and share?”
Since Derreck recognized an olive branch when he saw one, he didn’t hesitate to grab his chance. “I’d love that.”
With a sharp nod, Jett took a step back and let Derreck inside. Derreck closed the door and followed Jett to the kitchen. He looked beautiful. Jett was tiny and gorgeous. Thick hair and sweet brown eyes that screamed innocence. Jett sucked people in and made them want to keep him safe. Derreck was no exception.
As Jett grabbed silverware and drinks, Derreck unpacked the bag of food. He couldn’t take the silence. “I haven’t eaten at this restaurant since the last time I went with you.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Jett moved to Derreck’s side to help him split the meal evenly. “You always thought they were inconveniently located.”
Derreck snorted. “They are, but I also always sort of thought of the place as our place. It seemed wrong to go without you.”
Jett flashed a laughing glance his way. Derreck’s breath caught in his throat. He had missed Jett more than Jett could ever know. Jett seemed oblivious to Derreck’s internal struggle. “They deliver now.”
“You disappeared.” God help him. Derreck couldn’t hold back. He needed to talk about losing Jett.
Jett’s smile fell. He looked away and settled down with his food at the small kitchen table. Jett waited until Derreck sat too before responding. “You don’t know me anymore, Bear. The best thing I ever did for myself was disappear.”
Derreck’s throat damn near swelled closed at the sound of Jett’s pet name for him, and that was before Jett’s claim sank in. “I kissed Antonio in a moment of desperate panic. Did that really undo every moment we shared? We had a lot of beautiful ones.”
Jett ate as if Derreck hadn’t said a word. A few minutes passed before he spoke. When he did, Jett sounded completely calm—like they discussed the weather. “My dad used to beat me.” Jett took another bite. His expression didn’t match his confession. Jett looked serene. “My whole life, except for a few months here and there when the state would step in, I always had some sort of horrific injury. Broken arm. Smashed shoulder. I can tell you when it’ll rain two days ahead of time—like I’m eighty.”
“I didn’t know that.” Derreck didn’t recognize his own voice. He sounded hollow. He had truly believed he knew Jett better than anyone on the planet, but Derreck hadn’t known that.
Jett shrugged and kept talking between bites. “At seventeen, I moved in with a guy twice my age just praying to get away, but my life was the same. When I turned nineteen, I went to work as a stripper while doing a lot more for a lot more money on the side. By the time I met Nino at twenty-one, I no longer felt anything at all. I was like a dog who was kept chained unless I was in a fight for my life for someone else’s entertainment. You don’t know me, Bear. So the real question is: did any of the times you claimed to love me count, since you don’t even know me?”
Derreck couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t decide what to deal with first. It was true. He hadn’t known any of those things about Jett. But Jett shouldn’t know Derreck loved him either. Derreck had only said the words after Jett went to sleep each night.
When Derreck didn’t respond, a sad smile touched Jett’s lips. “Being with you was the first time in my life I felt safe. Protected. I cheated on someone to be with you, but you still claimed to love me—like I wasn’t a horrible person. Then you kissed Nino, and everything looked clearer than ever before. It finally sank into my thick skull that I am unlovable, disposable, and live in a world filled with liars, so I had better learn how to take care of myself. Maybe it took way too many years for me to learn my lesson, but I did.”
Every word Jett spoke was like punching Derreck in the throat. He didn’t want to believe he hadn’t known every nuance of Jett. He had lived and breathed Jett from the first time he set eyes upon him—even when he had thought there was no hope Jett would notice him. Even though Derreck hadn’t once doubted he was