Love-Blocked – Charity Parkerson Page 0,19
have to be enough for you. I can’t get my heart broken by you again, Bear. I just can’t.”
Derreck rubbed his chest. While he had known he had hurt Jett, Jett had been so strong these last few days that Derreck hadn’t been forced to truly face his misdeeds. He was facing them now. It was ugly inside Derreck’s head. He swallowed down his pain to focus on Jett’s. “I know leaving me was one of the best things you’ve ever done for yourself. You’re stronger now. But you will never understand how much hurting you completely gutted me. I believe you when you say that kiss didn’t break us, but it broke me. For as long as I live, I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t live through that again either. I just can’t.”
“Then I guess we’ll have to make us work this time.” The way Jett said those words, so calm and sure, he set Derreck at ease. Everything would be okay. Things were different, but different was good. They would be fine. Kirill had them now. Derreck didn’t know how he knew Kirill would make them whole. He just knew.
The last thing Kirill wanted was to let his heart get drawn into things. It was obvious Derreck and Jett were working out their relationship kinks. Kirill would end up the loser in that scenario every single time. All the foresight in the world didn’t make Kirill’s body burn any less. When he had walked past Derreck without meeting his gaze earlier, something inside Kirill had cried out. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from making it right. Now his mind was whirling with ideas of making the impossible possible. A tiny voice—traitorous to his heart—teased Kirill. It said Kirill could win them. So he did something he didn’t do anywhere near often enough. He hid in his office and called Zander.
“Hello?”
Kirill smiled at the sound of Zander’s voice. He pictured the man’s perfect features drawn tight with annoyance. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Not at all.” Zander’s voice lost its harsh edge. “The caller ID showed the Vegas Luna and I expected another whiney complaint about something below my pay grade. I’m happy to hear it is you. It’s been a few months.”
Kirill winced at the subtle admonishment. “Yes. Sorry, cousin. Staying on top of things here keeps me busy, but I’ve missed your voice.” Even Kirill heard the way his Russian accent deepened while hearing it mimicked.
“You do realize you’re allowed to delegate and enjoy life, do you not?”
A chuckle rose in Kirill’s throat. Even though he had looked up to Zander as a small child, he hadn’t always been a part of Zander’s life. In fact, Kirill had thought Zander dead until a few years back when Zander brought him here to live in the States. Sometimes, the truth was worse. “I would never want you to think you made the wrong decision by putting me in this position.”
Zander snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Kirill couldn’t stop smiling. Sometimes, Kirill was torn right down the middle. Zander had given him an amazing and lucrative position in Vegas, but Zander was in California. Kirill didn’t have anyone here. “How is that sexy husband of yours?”
“He’s good. I’ll tell him you asked.”
“And everyone else?”
“Everyone here is good. What’s going on?” Zander asked, showing his usual level of astuteness. “You sound as if you have nothing to say and are simply stalling for discomfort purposes.”
Kirill shook his head. There was no one else in the world like Zander. “I’d like to come home tonight.”
Zander didn’t miss a beat. “That’s fine. Call the pilot and give him a time. He’ll be there.”
“I’d like to bring a couple of people with me.” Kirill held his breath. Silence met his words.
Finally, Zander broke. “Tell me.”
Kirill leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. “Oh, you know me. I’m making all the same mistakes I always do.”
“Is it the same mistakes or similar mistakes with different people?”
A chuckle slipped from Kirill. “The second one.”
“That is fine, then. You are not dead, Kirill. Your heart knows what it wants. It is no mistake to keep trying. Giving up is the only failure.”
“Hmmm,” Kirill hummed, unsure if he believed. “To be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m like a stray dog, hoping someone will take me in.”
A loud snort sounded through the phone. “For that to be true, you’d have to take advantage of others. If anything, you’re the