a distraction, and a reminder that there was no emotional upheaval when he was focused.
Avery was a bright light in his drudging existence, and that fact scared the shit out of him. Because if he got used to her, what would happen to him if she left? Would he become exactly like his father—unable to cope, weak under the idea of love?
He wasn’t stupid. He knew she realized things weren’t the same, but he tried to cover it up, and when he finally retreated back to DC, he may have been empty, but God knew he was safe.
Jerking himself out of his computer mode, he picked up his phone. “Hey, sweetheart. How are you?”
Her voice vibrated with an undercurrent of tension. “Okay. I had to deal with a ring-bearer tantrum, and a fight between a best man and groomsman over a girl at a bar the night before. Nightmare.”
He pictured the roll of her eyes and smiled. “It’s always about a girl, right?”
Silence hummed over the line. “I don’t know, Carter. Is it?”
Her soft question seethed with the threat of a serious discussion. He tried to tamp it down, not sure he could handle in-depth questions tonight. “If it’s a woman as beautiful as you, then yes. Every time. How’s Zoe? Is she liking school?”
“The girl has a bigger social life than I do. Bella is driving her back and forth to playdates, and now she’s in dance lessons. Lady Gaga’s got nothing on our Zoe.”
He missed the little girl’s infectious giggles, and the way she ran to him with open trust. Who would’ve thought he could’ve gotten attached to them all so quickly? The fact only solidified his decision to take it slow. Yes, he had deep feelings for Avery and her family, but taking their time was key in controlling the overabundance of emotion. She’d told him she loved him so soon. Too soon?
“What about everyone else? Gabe texted me his promotion went through.”
“We announced it this week. He said he’d call you later. He wants to get you out here for a celebratory beer with Pierce.”
“Sounds good. I know our next scheduled meeting is October eleventh, but if I sink hard into this coding, I may be able to finish quicker and take a few extra days to spend with you.”
“I’m grateful I can be properly scheduled in,” she said tightly. “Have I now been relegated to a meeting status?”
“You know what I meant.” Annoyance flickered. “Are you tired? You seem . . . off.”
A humorless laugh came over the phone. “Funny you should ask. I’ve been thinking that this relationship has been a bit ‘off’ lately. You promised total honesty and openness, Carter. It was the only way to move forward with us, so I need to know. What’s really going on?”
Panic grabbed at his throat. She wanted to back out already. After only three weeks of being apart, she was ready to give up.
He should have known. Relationships were too hard. The path was filled with challenges and thorns that made you bleed. It was so much easier to be alone.
His voice chilled, and he felt the blessed numbness begin to come back, the same he’d experienced after seeing his father’s dead body. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “Are you trying to pick a fight? I thought things were fine. We had a good time this past weekend. We’re on the schedule for another visit in two weeks. Isn’t everything going according to our plan?”
“I’m not a damn plan, Carter! I’m not looking to fit nicely into the calendar of your life.” Her voice shook with intensity. “This summer, I fell in love with you. We were connected. But since you’ve gone back to DC, I feel this barrier between us, as if you’re afraid to let go. What are you scared of? That I’m too important? That I’ll wreck your orderly existence? Or that I’ll break your heart?”
He sucked in a breath. It was too much. Her words pushed and prodded and probed until he only wanted to protect the rawness inside. He reacted like a wounded animal being threatened. “Does saying you love someone make all the issues magically go away? You plan weddings and happily ever afters for people on a daily basis. Did you ever stop to think that it could all be an illusion—and that behind the curtain is disappointment? I’m trying to take it slow here, Avery. Let us catch our breath after an intense