makes you happy, just being around him.” He shook his head, chuckling, this time with a bit of real humor. “It’s crazy, you know. You’re running around this ship just choking on your own sexual frustration. And yet you’re so damn blissed-out about the whole thing, you don’t even think to be annoyed by it.”
“I… uh…” He didn’t feel sexually frustrated. At least, not in the way he thought of the term. But he had to admit he felt at least half-intoxicated all the time, anxious to snag just one lone minute alone with Spence. He’d had his head in the clouds as he fell asleep, reliving the kiss that hadn’t quite been. He wanted that kiss more than anything.
But at the expense of losing his brother?
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I feel better now that I know you weren’t doing it on purpose.” Laramie took another sip of his whiskey, before squinting into the glass. “Damn. I could get used to this.”
Denver laughed. “That makes three of us.”
The laughter died quickly, though. Laramie went back to turning the glass in circles on the table. “Can I tell you something without you getting unbearably self-righteous?”
“I’ll do my best.”
It still took Laramie a second or two to make the words come out. “You may have been right about Ginn.”
Denver’s jaw dropped, and he hurried to close it. He squashed down the first three responses that came to mind and settled on the most unself-righteous one he could muster. “Oh?”
Laramie smiled into his glass, although it only lasted a moment. “We’ve been fighting nonstop. She’s pissed we’re so crowded, pissed she has to sneak around the ship, pissed that my dialysis machine is noisy and keeps her awake at night. And the worst thing is the way she keeps pushing me to push you, as if she didn’t know heading into this how things would be. It’s like she’s decided you’re standing between us and… and something. I don’t even know what. And she’s constantly badgering me to confront you, and to demand…” He gestured around with his glass, fumbling for a word, “dominance, I guess. I don’t even know.” He shook his head. “She wasn’t like this on Titan X. She was happy there. That’s what I liked about her from the beginning. She had this way of being that just lit up the air around her. It made you want to get close, just in case some of it rubbed off on you. And when she looked twice at me, it was…” He sighed. “It was like staring into the sun.”
“Staring into the sun’ll blind you if you do it for too long.”
“I guess it did, for a while.” He took another sip of whiskey. “I’m an idiot. I know that now. I might laugh it off, if I could just talk to you. If I could just reach you, and know you wouldn’t throw it back in my face.”
He stopped, his gaze returning to the tabletop, and Denver leaned forward to once again take his brother’s hand. “You can talk to me. And I swear, I’ll do my best not to be an asshole about it.”
“But I can’t if I’m locked out of your head, unable to reach you. Earlier tonight, with Pinocchio, I was practically screaming at you, and you didn’t hear.”
Denver thought about it. He hadn’t detected even a hint of Laramie’s urgency. “Did you ever think about doing what other people do and just knocking on the door?”
Laramie blinked at him, his face going slack with sudden realization. It was almost comical. “I guess I didn’t.”
Denver laughed and was glad to see Laramie giving in to the humor of the moment too. “Maybe you should try that next time.”
“Maybe.”
They sat there for a minute, holding hands, almost forehead to forehead, letting the mental connection that had fueled them their whole lives open up again. It was warm and comfortable and easy. Less intense than usual, but maybe that was okay.
For now, anyway. Until they learned how to navigate this new phase of their lives.
“I’ll try to stay open,” Denver said at last.
Laramie chuckled, shaking his head. “Honestly, it’s best that you don’t. Not when you’re with him. I mean, this is what I’ve wanted for you for ages—for you to find somebody. You deserve to be happy.” He sobered quickly and squeezed Denver’s hand. “But I miss you. You’re half of me too, you know. Just promise me neither Ginn or Cherry Cola can change that.”
“They