in the room Bruce had assigned her, a second-floor space that Charlotte had used as an office during the times when she fancied herself consumed by some project. She’d been part of a neighborhood fund-raiser for a Democratic senatorial candidate, once; the man had lost spectacularly; he was a sculptor and poet who seemed committed to pursuing just causes in the little time he had to spare outside his studio. She’d tried her hand at a play; Knox knew that. And there was the research she’d put into the fertility treatments she’d eventually come to need. Lists of doctors to contact, insurance forms, success rates, appointments to be made. Knox pulled on the leggings and shirt, as hot as it was. A bare nightgown would be inappropriate, a prim one embarrassing. She felt a flash of surprise that she cared either way what Bruce thought about such a trivial thing, but she was a guest here; attention to these kinds of courtesies would help things go smoothly.
She stretched out on the futon Bruce—or someone—had made up for her. She felt too tired to arrange the sheet over her, or get back up and pry open a window, let some air in. Tomorrow, she’d see about a fan, unpack properly. At least she and Bruce hadn’t seemed too uncomfortable around each other tonight. It had been okay, sitting up together with their pizza and wine. Bruce didn’t seem to dislike her close up, the way she realized she’d feared he might. Though surely the subject of her had come up between husband and wife. He might have had some preconceived notions about her, too. But being here was as good as being anywhere. She thought she might have been right to come.
KNOX
KNOX WOKE, the sun on her face. She felt plastered to the bed; the effort to raise herself left her nearly breathless, and she sat up, panting. She was so hot; she began peeling off her shirt before she was fully cogent of where she was; in this makeshift guest room, in Charlotte’s house, Bruce downstairs, the twins to look after. What time was it? She added alarm clock to the mental list of things she needed, then crawled over to her duffel and fished out her mobile phone. Ten o’clock. Fuck! Bruce must have been the only man on duty for the last several hours; Knox had fallen back into bed after the last feeding she’d helped him with, at 5:00 a.m.
The phone buzzed right there in her hand, startling her so that she nearly dropped it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, honey.”
“Mom, I can’t talk long. I’ve overslept.”
“All right, I won’t keep you.”
Knox heard the hurt in her mother’s voice and cursed herself for sounding rushed. And yet, crouched on the bare floor, in her bra and jogging pants, her day barely begun, she also felt a twinge of resentment for this intrusion, and a childish desire to make clear to her mother, who wasn’t here, who surely had no idea what her night had been like, the demands that had been placed upon her in the last twelve hours. Knox’s mother had never been the type to harass her children about milestones like marriage and children; if anything, Knox suspected, keeping the roles the way they’d always been, with Knox the child and Mina the mother, brought her a kind of pleasure. But Knox had seen the elation in her mother’s face when she’d gotten the news that Charlotte was finally pregnant, the drugs had worked, and it occurred to her that she wasn’t above punishing Mina for this in some way, if she wasn’t careful. See? This is how it would be, Mom. Your daughter harried, inaccessible, unmoored from any destiny she could control or call her own. Got your wish? As soon as she had the thought, Knox hated herself for it. She resolved to grow up. She’d been in New York less than a full day, and wanted martyr status?
“Sorry, Mom. I’m coherent now. I have a little time to talk.”
“If you’re sure. How are the boys?”
How were the boys? Knox had held them until her arms were sore last night. At Bruce’s direction, she’d rubbed Ben’s back for a full ten minutes until he burped, after he’d drunk a bottle around 2:00 a.m. Ethan had been restless at the 5:00 a.m. feeding and uncomfortable going back down; Knox had finally soothed him back to sleep by placing her pinkie in his wet mouth until his eyes closed. She