“No.” Her lips twisted in a grimace. “He wants to…” She shrugged.
How was she going to push him into anything? She was here, but just being here wasn’t going to be enough.
“Courtney hasn’t found the right button to push yet,” Khalid informed her.
“I’m wondering if he has one,” she snorted in a purely ladylike way.
“I gather she hasn’t yet tripped onto Ian’s sole nonparticipation kink?” Alyssa chuckled knowingly as she watched Courtney now with a suggestive look.
“I think not,” Khalid murmured. “Ian would never give her such power.”
“I am here,” Courtney announced with a frown. “There’s no reason to talk over me.”
“Tell me, Courtney, how adventurous are you?” Alyssa reminded her now of a playful little cat. Her nose wrinkled engagingly, her eyes filling with laughter and fun. This was a side of Alyssa that a rare few were allowed to see.
“I’m not adventurous at all, Alyssa.” She allowed her lips to curl with confidence. “I am, quite simply, without limits. What about you?”
She heard Khalid’s rapid intake of breath and managed to hold her own as Alyssa reached out, running her fingers over the soft rise of her br**sts. There was no arousal, but the feeling was pleasant. It wasn’t an unknown touch.
“Ian’s private, hidden little kink is only known to a few of us,” Alyssa whispered as she watched her thoughtfully. “For some reason, Ian has always taken pleasure in seeing his woman stroked by another.”
Courtney felt the flare of excitement then. It made sense. A lot of sense. All the times she had watched Ian with her maids, there had always been another woman present. She hadn’t questioned it, had really not thought of it, as the extra woman had been quiet, as though waiting her turn. Perhaps she had instead, already had her turn.
It wasn’t an act Courtney was unfamiliar with, but it wasn’t a preference either. Then again, she had no preference outside of Ian.
“You’ve seen him enjoy this?” She turned to Khalid, uncertain how to proceed. Though most enjoyed the sight of two women together, they didn’t enjoy seeing their woman with another.
“I have.” He nodded. “It’s one of the few things Ian keeps as quiet as possible. But, it’s the only reason he gave Alyssa membership. She enjoys tormenting men in such a fashion.” His lifted his drink in acknowledgement to her.
Alyssa chuckled.
“I have very rarely fully made love to a woman.” She shrugged, lifting her hand back from the flushed rise of Courtney’s breast. “But I do so love watching how they go insane from very simple acts. They are, at heart, charmingly weak in that area.”
If Khalid’s arousal was anything to go by, this was largely the truth.
Courtney bit her lip thoughtfully. Did she dare push him that hard? Well, of course she dared. She would dare most things. But what were the chances of success?
“Courtney, do not step outside your own bounds,” Khalid warned her then, his voice worried.
She laughed at the concern, flashing him a suggestive look.
“Do you think I haven’t done such things, Khalid?” she asked him. “When one is experimenting with her body, she tries many things.” Besides, her first goal had been to be a virgin, a very experienced virgin, in Ian’s bed. One did not get the experience one needed without a small amount of experimentation.
Khalid’s eyes widened marginally, as they seemed to glaze again. Good Lord, the man was a lost cause at that point.
She tapped her fingernail against the table, aware of both Alyssa and Khalid watching her warily.
“Very well.” She made up her mind quickly. As far as she was concerned, there was no sense in debating the matter. She would know immediately if such a thing would tempt his control. She would be able to feel it, his arousal, reaching out to her, fueling her own.
She had no intention of remaining a nun all her life, and the fact that she was unaroused with any other—male or female—unless Ian was present, was beginning to irk her to no small amount.
“Courtney…” Despite his obvious arousal, Khalid leaned forward, his expression warning.
She frowned, ire heating her expression. “Khalid, as much as your concern is appreciated, it is unwarranted. I never do anything I believe will harm me more than I am willing to be harmed. I am not Melissa Gaines.” And she was growing tired of the other woman haunting the relationship she knew she could have with Ian. “I am not willing to lose every dream I’ve had in my life because of her destructiveness. I, Khalid, will do whatever it takes to make Ian see that. But never, ever, will I do more than my own conscience, or decided lack of boundaries, is comfortable with.”
She was not an immature, psychotic, manipulating nutcase. She was simply a woman in love with a man who would walk away rather than risk the possibility that his hungers were destructive. A man, haunted by a death he had no hand in, a hunger he could not deny he felt, and one whose loneliness filled every part of his soul. That loneliness, that haunted ache she had glimpsed in his eyes for so long, was breaking her heart.
She needed to see laughter there. She wanted to see warmth and love. She needed to see his acceptance of her and of himself.