Look - Zan Romanoff Page 0,52
the first one says. Everyone laughs.
“It’s not really a fairy tale,” Cass says quietly.
Dylan turns around in his seat. “It’s from a collection called The Complete Fairy Tales,” he says. “Charles Perrault. Look it up, little sister.”
The attention of the boys shifts away from them.
“What is it, then?” Lulu asks Cass. “If it’s not a fairy tale.”
“A myth,” Cass says. “It’s like the thing at The Hotel that I was talking about—about what happens to beautiful women. All these stories are the same story. Violence and silence and fear. There are no fairies. There’s not even any magic.”
Lulu feels a small shiver go through her. “Guess I’m safe, then, at least,” she says, trying to make a joke.
Cass’s mouth curls up at one corner. She gives Lulu a look that Lulu can’t quite read. “I’m cold. Do you want to go up to my room?” she asks.
Lulu does.
It’s smaller than she would have expected, with a handful of vintage airline posters on the walls. The floor is littered with clothes, and the bed is covered by a colorful quilt. It looks so cozy. It’s a very tempting place to get comfortable, Lulu thinks, and settles herself in the desk chair. Cass flops dramatically onto the bed.
“I hate watching movies with film majors,” she says. “They always think they know everything about everything. Like just because they’ve sat in more classes than I have, they understand everything better than I can.”
“I don’t know,” Lulu says. “At least it beats what would have happened if we’d watched it with my dude friends. Or, I mean, they never would have sat all the way through that, but if we’d tricked them into the first ten minutes. They would just have been pissed there weren’t any explosions, or tits.”
“So all men are exhausting,” Cass says. “I don’t know why you put up with them, honestly.”
At least now Lulu is sure of what Cass means when she says stuff like this—even if she doesn’t know what it means about things between the two of them. “I don’t always,” Lulu reminds her.
“Oh?”
“You saw the Flash.”
“Plenty of girls kiss girls for a picture.”
“It wasn’t for a picture,” Lulu says. “It’s— That’s why Owen and I broke up.”
“Oh. Fuck.”
“You really didn’t know?”
“How would I have known? I joined Flash two days after I met you.”
“Really?”
Cass flushes pink. “I’d been thinking about it anyway,” she says. “But the truth is that Ryan mentioned to me that you were a big deal on it, and I got curious.”
“You didn’t follow me.”
“Well, then I got shy.”
Lulu feels bold enough to say, “That is, unfortunately, very cute.”
Cass makes a face. Then she says, “Can I ask about why you posted it? The video?”
“It was an accident.” Lulu has never said any of these words out loud before to anyone but Owen. She hasn’t talked about it with anyone. “Posting it was. Owen and I were trying something out. Well, I had convinced him to try it. That video was only supposed to go to him.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah.” Lulu looks up at the ceiling. “It’s fucked up, right?”
“No, I mean—I’m sure it sucked—to be publicly, like, to have people see. And were you— Did people—”
“I hadn’t ever talked about it. What I am. I still haven’t, really.”
“You’re talking now.”
Lulu knows that if she looks at Cass the game will be up. She keeps her eyes trained on the ceiling. “Part of the thing is that I don’t know what to call it. None of the words seems right. Like, technically, I’m bisexual. I’m, you know, as far as I know, I like both. But the word itself—I don’t know. I don’t like any of the words. Queer. Pan. They don’t feel like me. Like they’re mine.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you don’t—um. I was wondering why you didn’t tell me. When I asked about boys and stuff, you didn’t just say—you know.”
“You didn’t tell me,” Cass reminds Lulu.
“I wasn’t sure what I’d even say.”
“Well, yeah. Same.”
Lulu risks looking down again. Cass is staring at her feet.
She says, “Bringing it up always feels dramatic. Like it’s this announcement I have to make up front. So I put it off sometimes. I just don’t . . . I don’t. But then I hadn’t told you, and we kept hanging out, and the longer it went on, the weirder it was to be like, By the way, I forgot to mention, I’m pretty much a lesbian.”
“Well,” Lulu says. “Anyway. Now we both know.”
“We do.”
Lulu lets the silence settle for a