but she pushes him away. “I don’t need a fucking audience.”
“Then maybe stop giving such heart-stopping performances,” he says gently.
“The glass,” I say. “You could get hurt, Nah.”
“Well, at least I’m not dead at the bottom of the ocean.”
I let out a breath. Ben’s hand moves softly between my shoulder blades, up and down.
My sister’s eyes fill, her face falling like an autumn leaf, beautiful—done. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I glance at the floor, sticky and littered with glass. “I’ll clean up.”
“I’m sorry,” she says again.
I nod. “I know.”
We watch her go. She floats away like space debris into the darkness of the hallway, up the stairs. Gone.
Nate grabs a mop from a closet by the pantry and starts filling a bucket with water. “It’s a good thing my parents are still out. Mom would have blamed herself for this, I bet.”
Aunt Nora has been at a loss, I think, when it comes to Nah. Annie died before she ever got close to being a teenager, and Nate’s always been easygoing. For a minute, I almost tell Nate the truth about Nah, the pills and rehab last spring and all of it, but I can’t. Mom and Dad were always clear: It’s Nah’s story to tell. But what if it’s all starting again? I want her to be okay, and I don’t want my aunt and uncle to regret taking us in.
“Your parents have been amazing. Nah’s just having a hard time. I’ll make sure this never happens again. I don’t want us to be a burden—”
Nate glares at me. “Hush. Burden. You’re ours. We don’t want you anywhere but here.” He glances at Ben, raises his eyebrows. “Do we?”
I knew he was purposefully staying out of the living room all that time.
“No,” Ben says. “Who would make sure you don’t fail out of MIT?”
He squeezes my shoulder as Nate cackles, then steps into the center of the kitchen and leans down to begin picking up glass.
I move to join Ben, but he holds up a hand. “I got it.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Mae, let the guy earn his keep,” Nate says. “By the way, I figured out what’s wrong with my plane’s design.”
“What’s that?” I grab a broom and the dustpan.
“We don’t have enough lift,” he says. “You can have all the thrust you want, but that forward momentum won’t get your plane off the runway or your rocket off the launchpad without proper lift.”
“How do you get lift?” I cross to the puddle in the center of the kitchen and lean down to pick up the largest shards of glass.
Ben looks up at me, black lashes flicking over deep brown eyes. “By figuring out what’s dragging you down.”
i wish I didn’t look like my dead mother.
Window on Train Car Door
The C Line
Boston
14
Hannah
I wait until we’ve been at school for two days before I start talking to the maybe-dealers. The headaches, my bones hurting—I can’t hold out much longer. Withdrawal is probably worse than death. At least after you die, it doesn’t hurt anymore.
They’re not hard to spot. The dealers. They look grungier than everyone else at this fancy private school that my aunt’s insisting on because Nate went here.
They’re always looking over their shoulders. Their eyes have secrets. I go for the cutest one first because why not? Also, he’s in my dumb-person math class.
I find him after school, leaning against the flagpole. Waiting. For someone like me.
“Hey.” I stop in front of him.
“Hi.” His eyes narrow, suspicious.
“Math class, right? Algebra Two with Stephens?”
He just looks at me. Right. I shouldn’t expect my dealer to be sober.
“I’m Hannah. New girl. From LA?”
“Hi, Hannah New Girl From LA.”
Fuck this guy. “This is the part where you tell me your name.”
He smirks. “Drew.”
“Okay, Drew, I’m not one for small talk, so this is the deal: I have a wad of cash in my pocket and I’d really love some pharmaceuticals. So what do you have and how much is it?”
“Why are you asking me?” A sliver of fear catches in his eyes. Good. I don’t like his upper-hand vibe.
“Lucky guess. Now, are you holding or not?”
Drugs were so much easier to find in LA. All I had to do was walk two steps down the sidewalk from my door and I’d be on the Venice boardwalk, the real Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
“If I was holding—and I’m not saying I am—why would I sell to someone I don’t know?” Drew says. “In case you aren’t aware, Hannah New Girl From LA, buying or