yes. Whatever is also Ty speak for If you let me down again, I’ll never fucking forgive you, so she knows she can’t mess up again. God, she misses feeling on top of things. She’s normally very organized with her schedule, but everything for the past six months has revolved around Derek. It’s not easy being in a married man’s orbit.
Frustrated, she closes her messaging app and tosses her phone onto the bed. Derek opens his mouth like he wants to ask her again who she was texting, but then he changes gears. He comes over to her. Rubs her shoulders. Kisses her neck. She knows what this means, and where he wants it to lead. He’s rarely affectionate unless he wants sex, and she moves forward, closer to the window, out of his grasp.
As usual, he assumes her frustration is entirely about him. In this case, it is, so he’s going to have to work for it.
“Babe, I’m sorry I’ve been in such a shitty mood,” he says.
He moves up behind her, and she notices he hasn’t yet gotten dressed. He wraps his arms around her waist, the full length of his body pressed up against hers. He nuzzles his face into the back of her head and inhales, and she’s reminded how much she loves the length of him, and that he’s taller than her, even when she wears her highest heels. His cheek rests against her cheek, and he smells amazing. He’s wearing that cologne they found at Nordstrom, the expensive one that she picked out because the scent is sexy; he must have spritzed some on after his shower.
“I know I was a dick about the burger and that I made you feel like shit. I probably did order the Big Mac, because I was distracted and not paying attention, which is uncool all by itself. I’m really sorry.”
Already she can feel herself softening. He understands better than any guy she’s ever known how to apologize properly, and that a good apology involves an acknowledgment of the shitty thing he did, along with a clear understanding of how said shitty thing affected the other person.
“I’ve got a lot going on at work, and the backers are getting squirrelly. There are a lot of people demanding things from me that I have no control over at the moment, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He sounds genuinely upset, and it makes her feel better. “I’m sorry, Kenz.”
“It’s okay,” she says, and she finally allows herself to melt into him. His strong arms wrap around her tighter, and she feels his lips on her neck, his breath hot.
She’s starting to feel bad now that he feels bad, and she wants him to feel better. She hates that she cares so much, because normally she doesn’t. She hates that she’s getting attached. She knows so much about him, that he aches for his kid, that he’s sad all the time, and it bothers her now that she might in any way have added to his stress by buying him the wrong fucking burger. She knows he always gets Quarter Pounders. She knows that. She should have ordered him one, because she did suspect he’d misspoken. But she was aggravated by his silence in the car, and how he’d snapped about her feet on the dashboard.
This is part of their pattern. He’s insensitive, which makes her feel bad, which then makes him feel bad, which then makes her feel worse, and then she’ll do anything to make him feel better. This is what they do, but she doesn’t know how not to do this with him. When it was just an affair, things were easy. But it’s starting to feel like a real relationship, which is adding a layer of complexity she isn’t prepared for. Her feelings are messing with her judgment, and she hasn’t allowed that to happen since J.R.
Derek’s hand moves down, past the waistband of her leggings, and he’s still kissing her neck and whispering that he’s sorry and then his hand is outside her crotch, stroking. Every part of her body is on fire and his thumb and his forefinger know exactly what do to, and the fabric of her leggings and panties is thin, and she can feel everything he’s doing, and she wants more. She leans back against him, pressing her ass to his erection, breathing harder, and he knows that means she’s not angry anymore and that she wants