another fact about her, not something to hide or be ashamed of.
“Why’d you almost drop out?” I asked.
“Tony jokes that I’m not type-A, but a type-A-plus because an A isn’t good enough. And since perfection is impossible in med school, I felt like a failure and was overwhelmed. I needed an outlet, and I found it in Tony and BDSM.” She grabbed her coffee but gave me a pointed brow raise. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how freeing it is to hand your worries and stress to someone you trust to take care of them.”
Even after Maximo had become my Daddy, I’d held back so much of myself. It wasn’t until after our blowup that I allowed myself to truly trust him.
And just as Ella said, it was freeing.
“I’m starting to learn that,” I admitted.
“Good. Having someone in your corner who you can trust is important for your wellbeing.”
“Are you and Tony, uhh, that way all the time?” I asked, both because I wanted to steer the conversation away from me and because it was nice to talk to someone who understood.
Blogs and websites could only go so far.
“We are and we aren’t.” At my confused look, she explained. “Back when we started seeing each other, if I wasn’t in class or studying, I was doing whatever he said.” She gave a small smile. “Now, between work and the kids, we don’t always have time to fully sink into our roles the way we used to. But he’s still my Dom and I’m still his sub.”
Like all relationships, BDSM had a lot of variations. From what I’d read online, it seemed like most long-term ones were similar to Ella and Tony’s.
“What about you and Maximo? Are you that way all the time?” she asked.
Damn.
Since she’d been so forthcoming, I felt rude not answering. “Yes.”
“How do you feel about that?” At my hesitation, she held up her hands. “I know, typical shrink question.”
Smiling, I thought about it for a moment. Would I rather we only occasionally played roles? Would it be better if there was more flexibility? Would I be happier if our dynamic was casual?
No.
Hell no, actually.
We were all-in, and I couldn’t imagine us any other way.
So I shared a little. “Surprisingly, I love it.”
She studied me intently. “Why surprisingly?”
I shrugged, wishing I’d chosen my words more carefully. “I figured it wouldn’t do anything for me. That it was only his thing that I could accommodate for him.”
“It’s not?”
Shaking my head, I admitted, “I think I need it more than he does.”
“How so?”
“I need the care and reassurance.” I left it at that because I didn’t want to get into why I needed that so badly. How years of neglect, abuse, and being alone had left me with insecurities and doubts that were only soothed by Maximo’s brand of obsessive love.
Thankfully, she seemed to realize I was done and didn’t push.
We spent a while talking about my sewing and her gardening. By the time we were done, the awkwardness was mostly gone and it was like a visit with a new acquaintance.
When we stood, she stepped closer. “I’d like to visit again, if that’s okay with you and Maximo.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, not as horribly against the idea as I thought I’d be.
“I’ll be in touch with Maximo to schedule it,” she said, taking the responsibility off me.
And then she left.
That wasn’t torture.
Heading upstairs, I paused in Maximo’s office doorway.
He looked up, concern etched on his handsome face. “All done?”
“For today.”
Some of the concern eased, but not all of it. “You’re going to talk to her again?”
I shrugged. “Depends on if you follow through with your end of this bargain.”
He grinned, and God, I still couldn’t believe he was mine. “Already made reservations.”
“Yay.”
“Get over here,” he ordered, pushing away from his desk. When I was within reach, he pulled me onto his lap and cupped my chin, tilting my head back. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Ella is nice, so it wasn’t too bad.”
“Good.”
It was good. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel comfortable enough to really share, but there was something reassuring about knowing I had the option.
Kissing me quickly, he held my face. “Do you feel comfortable staying the weekend at Moonlight?”
That’s why he still looks worried.
After what’d happened at Star, Maximo thought I wouldn’t feel safe. But I knew I was.
“I’m good.”
“You sure?” At my emphatic nod, he gave me a smile that sent a tremor through my body even before he said, “That’s my girl. Vera