felt as if he’d been knifed in the gut as he watched Iris cry. He wanted to touch her but knew he couldn’t because she feared him hurting her. The nightmare had returned, and this time he couldn’t remember any of the details. He gently cupped her face in his hands and lifted her chin. That’s when he saw the imprint of his fingers on her neck, already turning into an ugly purple bruise.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I—”
“Please go, Collier,” she pleaded softly. “I can’t go through this again.” A sob escaped her. “I need to be with someone who makes me feel safe. And right now you’re not the one.”
Collier reacted like an automaton, moving in slow motion as he put on his clothes. It took all of his strength and self-control not to break down. His limbs felt like lead, and he was so cold that he could’ve been in Alaska in the dead of winter as he slipped behind the wheel of the classic car. The parking lot was empty, the throng that had lined Main Street gone. Only the winking Christmas lights and a few wisps of dirty fake snow remained.
Staring through the windshield with sightless eyes, Collier made it home without wrecking the car. He didn’t remember putting the key in the door or walking into his bedroom and falling across the bed fully dressed.
A soft knocking on the bedroom door roused him, and when he turned over he saw daylight coming through the blinds on the window. “What is it?”
The door opened slightly and Tracy stuck her head in. She frowned. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing. What do you want?”
“It’s ten thirty. Are you going to church with us?”
“No. Now get out and close the damn door.”
The door swung open, bouncing off the doorstop. “I don’t know what happened between you and Iris, but don’t you dare take that tone with me, Collier.”
He waved at her. “Please close the door. Is that better?”
His facetious tone wasn’t lost on his sister when she walked into the room and sat on the chair in a corner. “No, it’s not better. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that I love you and worry about you, Collier. And because there’s only the two of us, we need to trust each other. There isn’t anything I keep from you and I expect the same from you.”
“Like you spending the Christmas week in Florida with Dr. Evan Nelson?”
“Yes,” she spat out, “like me spending a week with a man and his daughter. I told you because as long as you’re here I owe it to you to let you know my whereabouts.”
Collier felt as if he’d gone ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer. His body hurt, his head hurt, and his heart ached. “It’s over between me and Iris.”
Tracy stared at him as if he were a stranger instead of her brother. “What happened?”
He told her everything. “I almost killed her, Tracy. First her husband punches her out, then tries to strangle her, and in a flashback I did the same thing.”
“Don’t you dare compare yourself to her ex-husband! The man deliberately made her life a living hell. You’re different, Collier.”
“Different, Tracy? I hurt her.” He’d punctuated the three words. “She’s had enough pain in her life, and she doesn’t need any more with me.”
“Do you love her?”
“What does love have to do with this?” He ran both hands over his head. “The bottom line is I should’ve told her about the flashbacks.”
“How long have you had them?”
Collier sank down onto the pillow cradling his shoulders. “They started about six months ago. I had to watch three of my men burn to death after their Humvee hit an IED.” He closed his eyes. “I can recall everything about that day and…”
He told his sister what he’d witnessed firsthand during his repeated deployments, seeing disbelief in her eyes as she stared at him. It was as if the floodgates had opened and the demons he’d held in check had escaped along with the tears he was helpless to stop. It was as if their roles were reversed when Tracy moved off the chair to hold him while he cried. When he’d come home to make funeral arrangements for their parents, he’d been the stoic one while Tracy had been an emotional wreck.
Tracy hugged him tightly. “It’s going to be okay, Collier,” she said soothingly. “You’re going to have to get some help or the nightmares are going to get worse.”
“I’m