“I still want to know how you found me,” I said. Yes, I was stalling.
She winked. “We can talk about that later. I think there is something more important than that right now.”
“I have a lot of questions and we are absolutely going to talk about it.”
She reached for my hand. “Ready?”
“Can I apologize for what is about to happen now?” I muttered. “This is not going to be a happy family reunion. My dad has no filter. He says what he feels, and I can assure you, he isn’t feeling good about me being in the same state with him right now.”
“I’m fine. I can handle a crotchety old man. He’s grieving. I’ll give him a free pass.”
I gripped her hand and began to walk toward the entrance. “He is a crotchety old man every damn day.”
“I’ll hang out in back,” she said. “I will be there as an unseen safety net for you and you alone. I’m here for you.”
Her words hit me hard. I had never felt so cared for. My mother had been a wonderful woman, but her allegiance was to my father. Evie was loyal to me, which made me feel worthy. My dad didn’t give two shits about me and the pain I was suffering, but she did. We got in line with the other mourners. I didn’t recognize anyone.
The number of uniforms inside the main lobby area was staggering. Seeing all of them looking somber and yet proud hit me hard. I actually stumbled backward. Evie was right there for me. She held my hand a little tighter. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together.
My father was standing between the two double doors that opened into the chapel area. He looked old. He didn’t immediately see me, giving me the chance to study him. He was putting on a good show, but I could see the pain in his eyes.
He shook hands, offered smiles, and greeted old friends with a slap on the shoulder. Then he saw me.
“I thought we talked about this,” he growled in a low voice.
I stood in front of him with Evie by my side. “You talked.”
His eyes slid to Evie, giving her one of those hard stares he’d perfected during his days of training young Navy men and women. “You brought your latest flavor of the month to your brother’s funeral?” he spat.
I felt Evie flinch. “She is here for me.”
He didn’t look pleased. “I always knew you were selfish, but this is a step up for you. It’s disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.”
“Evie is my girlfriend. She and I will be going in and you will give her the respect she deserves. You have no beef with her.”
He sneered, showing his true colors. “She obviously doesn’t know you.”
“I know him quite well,” she said calmly.
“Don’t,” I warned when he opened his mouth. “You can hate me. You can say what you want about me, but she does not deserve your hatred.”
He shot me one last glare but didn’t get a chance to say anything nasty. Someone approached him to offer their condolences, freeing me from being trapped in a back and forth with him. Evie led me away.
The moment I stepped through the doors into the packed chapel area, I saw his picture on a massive screen above a platform that was littered with flower arrangements. I didn’t move. I stared at the picture of him smiling and wearing his BDUs.
It felt like he was looking directly at me. My heart lurched as I looked into my brother’s smiling eyes. A sound escaped my throat.
Evie dropped my hand and put an arm around my shoulders. With a strong but gentle force, she began to lead me down the aisle toward the front row.
“No,” I said, pulling back. “Not there.”
“You are family. You should sit in the front row.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I don’t want to. I prefer to be in the back.”
“Okay,” she answered without pushing the issue.
I led the way to the far corner of the room. There were no seats available. I didn’t care. I preferred to stand. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it through the entire funeral. I didn’t want to disrupt it if I got up to leave. Evie stood beside me, her shoulder rubbing against my upper arm as we leaned against the wall.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the image on the screen. It wasn’t a picture I had