Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,36
also acknowledges that time is important and commitments must be honored.
Sample scripts you might use include:
“Everyone, let’s make a list of which tasks need to be completed in the next month and who’ll do them. We also need a deadline for these to be completed, and names of who will step in if they’re not finished on time.”
“Tom—can you please give a date and time when this will be completed that works for you?”
“Leanne, which of these tasks can you finish by the end of day Thursday? If I don’t hear from you by then, I’m happy to follow through with them.”
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Doctor Urges Older Patients to Downsize at the Optimal Time
Karen Cadman, MD, a physician living in Southern California, has seen the benefits of scaled-down living in her own family, and she regularly prescribes a dose of downsizing to her patients.
“My average patient age is somewhere between 70 and 80. My office is near many nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and several large, independent senior living communities, and the issue of downsizing and moving comes up almost daily,” she says.
During her medical training and early career, she moved frequently—and easily. In her midthirties, she asked herself, “What happened to the days when I could put all my possessions in a van? I wanted a house that I wouldn’t have to spend so much time cleaning.” So several years ago, she and her husband sold their 2,200-square-foot house and downsized to a smaller home.
Recently, her parents and in-laws both downsized, encountering different challenges in the process. “For my parents, in their midseventies, it was more a lifestyle choice to age in an independent-to-assisted-living environment that would provide for their care as they got older. I don’t think they realized how much work it required to maintain their previous home until they moved,” she says.
For her in-laws, who are in their late eighties, “part of their motivation for downsizing was to prevent their kids from having to deal with all of their stuff,” she says. (That is one of the best gifts aging parents can give their kids, by the way!)
Since then, “they have had a harder time integrating and leaving their old life behind, even though they are only 2 miles from their previous home and have many friends and acquaintances already living in their new community. Surprisingly, they had a much easier time downsizing their material possessions; it was harder to give up the perceived change in independence,” Dr. Cadman says.
When her parents downsized their considerable collection of stuff, Dr. Cadman had to be creative in protecting the space in her own home. “My mother felt better giving things away to people she knew rather than selling, donating, or trashing on her own. My brother and I agreed to take anything they offered us, no exceptions, just to help them reduce. Because I live closer, I was the recipient of a lot of their larger items,” she says.
She sent some stuff to her brother, but quietly donated or threw out a lot of other items. She also converted treasures into keepsakes that were easier to store or use. She had a bunch of her baby clothes converted into a quilt. Damaged pieces of her grandmother’s china became earrings and pendants for her female relatives.
“As difficult as it was for my parents and in-laws to downsize and move, I was really proud that they made the decisions on their own when they did. I have watched many seniors not do it well! Sometimes a crisis precipitates a move—like dementia, a life-changing injury, or an accident like totaling a car—which is the worst-case scenario,” she says.
“It’s a disaster watching family members try to hurriedly find a more suitable living arrangement while simultaneously downsizing without the help of their parents,” Dr. Cadman says.
“When I advise seniors about moving to a smaller home or an assisted living environment, I usually tell them to move before they think it’s time, while they are still healthy enough to participate in the process.”
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The Businessperson
Let’s be clear: When you’re downsizing a home, it’s imperative to look at this process as a family business. Like any business endeavor, the downsizing-related milestone requires you to handle money in a responsible and transparent way. You’ll have laws to follow and legally binding forms to sign.
You should hold meetings that follow agreed-upon rules. Someone should keep clear notes about actions that participants will take and responsibilities that they agree to handle. To-do lists with deadlines should go to