for me, and I’ll have to reveal myself. In my underwear. I would die a thousand deaths.
I pray to God, an actual prayer; please, please, please leave.
My heart races, pulsing in my eardrums.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
“I can’t believe the summer’s almost over,” Lucas says, and Logan speaks up.
“I fucking hate school. I can’t wait to quit.”
“As if Dad’s going to let you quit,” Lucas scoffs.
“He will. We already talked about it. When I turn sixteen, I can work for him, and all I have to do is get my GED.”
“Think Dad will let me do the same?” Hearing Leo’s voice for the first time, in person, in almost a month, makes the thumping in my ears dissipate. Just for a second. I open my eyes, try to peek through the gaps, but I can’t see much beyond the darkness.
“Nah,” Lucas says. “You actually got brains, unlike this dumbass.” A slap sounds through the air, and Logan yelps.
“Fuck off.” Above me, the wooden planks thunder as footsteps run across the dock, back and forth. I assume Logan’s chasing Lucas.
And then it’s quiet, just for a moment, and I try to settle my heavy breathing.
“Did you have fun at the party?” It’s Garray talking, and there’s only one person he could be speaking to.
Leo responds, “It was okay.”
“I saw you walking out with that girl—Luna, right?”
If it were possible to hear a heart dropping, a stomach twisting, it would’ve broken through the sound of Leo’s silence.
“She’s what? A senior this year?” Garray laughed out. “Jesus, man. You’re not even a freshman, and you’re already catching the older chicks.”
Logan and Lucas give up on their fight and join the conversation. “Leo’s gonna have a field day in high school,” Lucas says. “Girls love that whole quiet, broody thing he’s got going for him.”
Leo doesn’t respond.
It’s Logan who does. “It’s sure a step up from that fat-ass, Mia.”
Laughter erupts.
And I feel the first streak of liquid heartache leave me.
Lucas says, “I mean, she was nothing to look at when she first got here, but every year she just gets worse and worse.”
“Her braces aren’t doing her any favors,” Logan says through a chuckle.
“And her acne…” Garray this time.
“Oh my god! It’s so bad,” Logan laughs out.
Then Lucas: “And poor Leo. Dad’s put it on him to watch over her at school.”
Another round of laughter.
“I take it back,” Lucas adds. “He’s gonna have a shitty time with the girls with fat-ass, brace face around, hanging on to him everywhere he goes.”
“And also—fuck her for taking the basement,” Logan snaps. “I wanted that.”
Leo says nothing.
Does nothing.
Logan continues, “It’s not my fucking fault that she has no home. Or that her parents don’t want her.”
Leo’s silence is deafening.
“Yeah,” says Lucas. “It’s bad enough Vagina’s around, but at least she’s not there at night. How are we supposed to be comfortable in our own house with her there?”
“It’s okay, Leo.” Logan busts out a laugh. “She won’t be able to sneak into your room at night. We’d all hear that fat heifer coming up the stairs.” The dock shakes with every one of his thumping steps, mocking me. Loose pieces of the wood crack, splinter, rain down on me. And all I can do is grip onto the post, letting the tears fall, the force of my withheld sobs making it impossible to breathe.
Just breathe.
After the hysterics settle, Lucas says, “Let’s go. I’m fucking starving. Hopefully, heifer’s mom made something decent.”
I release a shallow breath, try to compose myself as their footsteps fade.
I want to die.
If I had the will to drown myself, I would do it.
I wait until the car doors slam shut, until the engine starts, and I can no longer hear it to chance a peek around the dock and make sure the taillights are gone. When I’m positive I’m alone again, I struggle to lift myself onto the dock, my muscles weak, cold from being in the water so long. I start toward my discarded clothes, a sob escaping when I hear the thud thud thud beneath my feet.
“Mia?”
Every inch of me locks up, suspended in pain.
It’s Leo. Using my arms, I cover as much of myself as possible, not wanting to turn to him, and search for my clothes in the semi-darkness.
“Mia?” His voice is louder now, closer, and I want to turn to him, ask him why now? Why find his voice now?!
“How long have you been—”
“Where are my clothes?” I seethe, my vision too clouded with tears to see straight. I’m shivering,