Ian I’ll be down in a minute,” I said. There was silence and then the sound of her footsteps as she walked down the hall.
Fortified by a hairbrush and a splash of cold water, I followed her down the stairs. Ian stood when I entered the sitting room. He studied my face, and his eyes narrowed.
I saw no point in postponing the inevitable. “I’m sorry I missed our appointment, but I had some shocking news.”
“At the post office?” he asked dryly.
I blushed. “No. At the doctor’s office.” Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the couch and sat down, motioning for him to sit beside me. “We’re going to have a baby,” I announced bluntly.
Other than a sudden tightening of his jaw, his face didn’t change. “I see,” he replied.
It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected, and suddenly I was as desperately insecure as the day Stephen told me our marriage was over. Looking away from Ian’s handsome tight-jawed face, I realized, miserably, that I’d once again taken too much for granted. It would be better to get this entire conversation over with. I swallowed and mumbled. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On your plans,” he said, keeping his voice even. “I believe I’ve already declared myself more than once, but I haven’t heard you respond. I noticed that you said we are going to have a baby. Does that mean I’m included?”
I stared at him in surprise. Was it possible that he was as unsure of me as I was of him?
“Well?” he persisted.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Do you want to be included?”
“Are you serious?”
I nodded.
Ian sighed and stood up. Balling his fists, he thrust his hands into his pockets and walked over to the mantel. For a long time he stared into the fire. Finally he spoke. “What are you afraid of, Christina?”
“Nothing,” I began.
“Stop it!” He had never used that tone of voice before, and it startled me. “Tell me the truth, for God’s sake. You’ve told me everything else.”
“All right,” I said, carefully. “I will tell you.”
He turned around, his eyes fixed on my face.
“For fifteen years I was married to a man who was cold and selfish and dishonest. The greatest gift he gave me was when he walked out of my life. But for that, I’d still be with him, suffering in silence, believing I was the one with the flawed personality. Is it any wonder that I need it spelled out for me?”
“Do you really believe that has anything to do with me?” Ian spoke slowly, controlling his temper.
“No. But I’m not really a very good judge of character. Before I married Stephen, I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself.” I was crying now, and my nose began to drip. Ian reached into his pocket and without saying anything crossed the room to hand me his handkerchief.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, wiping my nose. “The worst of it is, I would still have been there if he hadn’t left me.”
“Christina.” He knelt at my feet and took my hands in his. “It isn’t that way with us. You must know that.”
“How do I know it? You’ve never really told me.”
He started to smile, then thought better of it. I sniffed and returned his handkerchief. He stuffed it into his pocket. “I won’t press you for an answer now, but I want you to marry me.” He hesitated briefly. “I’d planned to ask you anyway, even before I knew about the child. Do you believe that?”
I nodded, unable to meet his eyes, feeling more miserable than ever and not sure why.
“I know things are different in America, but this is Scotland and Peebles is a small town,” he continued. “If you intend to live here, I ask you to consider our child’s future. Will you do that?”
I stared at him. “Would that be enough for you, a marriage based on the fact that you accidentally fathered a child?”
He dropped my hands and stared at me, dawning realization on his face. “I’m not doing this very well, am I? Surely you know that I love you. And whether you admit it or not, you love me. I can’t think of a better reason to go through life together. Can you?”
“May I come in?”
Ian and I turned at the same time. My mother stood framed in the doorway, a wooden smile on her face. My cheeks burned. How long had she been there?
“Am I interrupting anything?”
Ian took the initiative. Walking