his eyes like a stinging waterfall. The muscles in his shoulders ached not so much from the work but from the speed with which he lifted the ax and sank it into one piece of wood after another.
Strenuous work was an old habit when he needed to hash out whatever had crawled under his skin. He stopped long enough to wipe the sweat off his face onto his shirt sleeve. Nothing was working today. He’d ridden long before dawn, helped Grant move a hundred head of cattle, and now the wood. With sunset dimming his light, he should have had a few ideas about how to mend his relationship with Casey. But he was fresh out. Accusing her of missing outlaw days had been cruel. He even knew it at the time, yet he didn’t have enough sense to shut his mouth.
God, why didn’t You stop me? I ruined what I craved the most—to start life fresh with Casey. I thought You and I had made our peace that day in church. Seems like every time things are going good, I set out to ruin them again. Guess I deserve whatever happens.
He picked up the ax and slammed it into another log. Splinters flew in all directions. His mood reminded him of those years gone by, and he despised the thought. Casey didn’t understand his moods, and he didn’t have the guts to tell her.
You know what you have to do.
Morgan recognized the voice, although the commands he’d heard all day set like a bad fever. There had to be a better way to explain his vendetta with Jenkins than the truth.
And where has not telling her got you?
He glared up at the sky beginning to fade from gold and orange to bluish black. Clouds covered the heavens with only a sliver of the moon blurring through, indicative of his faint hope of ever calling Casey his own.
I can’t do it to her.
Who are you trying to protect, Casey or yourself?
The words echoed against the fast-approaching night. He told himself the sounds he heard were really insects calling out to each other and not God pressing him to tell Casey the whole story. She’d run so far he’d never find her. He released a labored sigh. She might do it anyway. No guarantee with Casey. She was a hard woman to read.
“Son, don’t let it eat you alive.”
He swung around to see his mother. In the faint light, he saw her shadow. A wistful wind blew at her apron. “I’m doing the best I can.” He turned back to the wood and leveled another piece.
“I see a bit of the old Morgan, and I don’t like it at all.”
He lifted his head, unable to look at her. “This time I’m talking to God about it.”
“Shawne loves you, and you love her. I pray God makes a way.”
“If I haven’t destroyed it.”
“I don’t know what has happened between you two, but I wonder if your stubbornness is the root of the problem. Are you going to punish yourself forever?”
He picked up the ax and raised it over his head. “Maybe it’s what I deserve.”
“Morgan.”
The harsh sound of her voice caused him to lower the ax and face her.
“Self-pity never solved a thing. It makes you weak and mean.”
“I’ll think on it some more.”
“For sure, Morgan, God understands what it’s like to lose someone you love.”
“But what if it happens twice?”
“Shawne doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman who’d run from bad news.”
*****
In the days ahead, Casey considered how she’d tell the Andrews family about her past, but she couldn’t bring herself to confess the truth. When she finally collected her courage, either the time wasn’t right, or someone was missing.
She saw Morgan at church, and they talked when she visited his family on Sundays, but she refused to let him get close. His words were forgiven, but the damage had been done. Everywhere she looked, a remembrance of him rattled her senses, surfacing when she least expected it.
She’d wake in the middle of the night with his turquoise eyes burning into the blackness. Treasured memories and cherished words flooded the darkness surrounding her, but his black moods reminded her of ruthless men. She forced herself to consider the likelihood of his not changing. Love was a powerful emotion, but it couldn’t alter a man’s personality unless he truly wanted to change. He claimed God now guided his life, but not every part of it. Casey knew it best to forget