Learning to Trust - M.A. Innes Page 0,57

understand.

“Yes.” Morgan must have realized my confusion because he took another deep breath and kept going. “I’m sure you’ve read that for some people the pain and pleasure wires get a bit crossed. I think for me it also combines the control and domination that I crave. The idea that it’s a way you control my behavior even if we’re just playing and I’m not in any trouble is arousing.”

Once he let himself relax, the words seemed to come easily to him. “So it would make you feel safer and more…more mine?”

“Yes. Why does that surprise you?” His question had me pleased that he was confident enough to ask what was on his mind.

“I wasn’t spanked growing up.” It’d never come up that I could remember. “But we had a housekeeper for a short while that used a wooden spoon on me several times. My memories of her are not pleasant.”

Just thinking of her had my blood pressure rising. It was a most unpleasant feeling.

Morgan’s brows pulled together. “Can I hold your hand?”

Nodding, I stretched my hand out and took his. He smiled and gave it a squeeze. “Just so you know, I liked the fact that I had to ask before I could move my hands too.”

I couldn’t put myself in his position very well, but looking at it from my perspective had me smiling. “I enjoyed that as well.”

He giggled but squeezed my hand again. “I think the big difference is that you make me feel safe and you wouldn’t be doing it out of anger or a bad form of control. I’m giving you that control and you’re using it to give me what I need. There’s a big difference there.”

I had a feeling that was a bit of his therapy talking.

“Yes, I have to keep that at the front of my mind.” His gentle touch and the topic at hand led me down another path. “It’s not just the spanking you would find arousing, though…it’s all of it, correct? The submission, the physical reactions, my control…but do I arouse you?”

I knew I was physically well put together based on men’s and women’s reactions, but looks had never been something I really noticed in other people.

How did Morgan see me?

He seemed to be working hard not to blush by the way he was forcing his body to relax and the deep breaths he was taking, so I simply waited. Finally, he answered. “Yes, I’ve found you attractive since we first met, but it wasn’t until you started taking more control around the apartment and with me that I started to react to it. Really, it’s more about how you treat me than how you look.”

Grateful, I nodded. “Thank you for answering my questions honestly.”

“So are your questions over?” He asked it quietly, but the way his fingers kept stroking mine said he wasn’t overly nervous.

“No.” Unfortunately, our waiter was making his way in our direction with our food and another couple looked like they were going to be seated near us. “But I think the rest of this conversation will have to wait until we get home.”

He smiled, glancing over toward the waiter. “Deal.”

His expression then turned slightly sheepish. “Is it odd that I like it when you say that? Home, I mean?”

“No.” Shaking my head, I squeezed his hand before he could pull it away. “I enjoy saying it.”

We were just going to have to think about what that really meant about our relationship.

****

The little wiggles and teasing smiles he had in the car made it clear he was excited to continue our conversation. But I wasn’t completely confident in my ability to steer the discussion or our interactions.

If I was his boyfriend, Dom, and Daddy, then that meant more physical touch was appropriate and probably necessary for him. There was a small part of me that was curious about how he would react to my touch and just orders from me in general, but my limited experience in dating was eating away at my confidence.

However, as we walked in the door, I told myself I wasn’t going to let my worries take the lead. I was his Daddy and that was all I needed to remember.

Keeping that in mind, I set the lock then took his hand and led him over to the couch. I could feel the excitement vibrating through him, but he seemed to be doing his best to look calm. Probably so he wouldn’t spook me, but I wasn’t going to have