He grinned, and it almost reached his eyes. Look whos talking about the right one. You cant pick just one either.
Thats different.
Why, because youre a living vampire who feeds off sex, so you have to have a bevy of lovers? The ardeur is like the perfect excuse to never have to say youre sorry.
Id change it if I could, you know that.
He came to me then, put his arms around my shoulders, and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I didnt mean to make you sad, Anita. God knows I didnt. Please, dont tell me youd change it if you could. You love Nathaniel, and Micah. They love you. You love Jean-Claude and Asher, and they love you. Youre still a little confused about what to do with Damian, but youll get there.
I shook my head and stood up, moving away from him. Dont forget Requiem, and London, and sometimes Richard. Oh, wait, and the swan king pops in now and then, no pun intended. It sounded angry and bitter, and I was glad.
I didnt mean to say the wrong thing. I didnt mean to make you feel bad, or to have another woman mad at me tonight. Please, Anita, please, dont be mad. Im upset. You have no idea how upset. Please, please, Im a bastard, but dont be mad.
He held his hand out to me. His face pleaded along with his words. Id never seen his eyes full of quite this kind of pain. The look in his eyes was more than just losing a girlfriend he didnt want anymore.
I held out my hand, but made him take the step to close our fingers around each other. His eyes glittered in the overhead lights.
I took his hand, held it. His breath came in a soft gasp, and I thought for a second he was going to cry, buTHE just looked at me. His eyes that had glistened a moment before were almost dead, as if whatever he was feeling hed locked away somewhere. In a way, to me, that was worse. I went to him, and he wrapped his arms around me as if he were at the edge of a cliff and I were his only handhold. That quiet holding on was somale. A woman would have cried, or talked more, but for a man, after a certain point this is their pain.
I held him back, tried to tell him it would be all right. I whispered it into his hair, against his cheek. Its all right, Jason. Its all right.
Nathaniel came up behind him and wrapped his arms around us both. He pressed his cheek against his friends hair and said, Were here, Jason. Were here for you.
Jason just held on wordless, motionless, the strength in his arms, shoulders, pressing against me, but it wasnt about sex. Id never been pressed so close to any man and thought only, God, whats wrong? Either he had loved Perdy and now he was regretting letting her go, or the other shoe hadnt dropped. What else could be wrong?
We ended up on the floor of the kitchen, simply sitting in a row with our backs to the kitchen island. He still hadnt said what else was wrong, or thaTHE was desperately in love with Perdy and how could he fix it? I kept waiting for him to share. If hed been a girl friend Id have asked by now, but guy friends are different. Sometimes you have to sneak up on them like some sort of wild animal, no wereanimal pun intended; all men are leery of their emotions, spook them and theyll shut down. If youre careful, quiet, not too eager, sometimes youll learn more. Of course, sometimes you have to club men over the head with some question to get any sense out of them, but they prefer to speak from a quiet place.
Jason had his head against Nathaniels shoulder, and a hand on my leg. At least he, like most of the men in my life, was cuddlier than most. I appreciated that.
Jasons voice came flat, empty, as if he were afraid to let his voice feel anything. My fathers dying of cancer. My mom called last night just after Perdy and I broke up.
I exchanged a glance with Nathaniel. His wide eyes let me know that it was news to him, too.
Jesus, Jason, Im sorry, I said.
We hate each other, of course, and now the cold bastards dying and I wont have time to forgive him before he dies.
What can we do? Nathaniel asked, softly.
He smiled, a little weak, a little watered down, buTHE managed it. I thought it was a good sign. I hoped it was. You really want to know?
Name it, I said.
He smiled again, but his eyes flinched, as if Id hit him instead of told him Id do anything he wanted if it would take the pain away.
Perdy isnt here to tell me dont, or to tell you dont. Im a free man again. He tried for a laugh, but it was a sound more like a sob.
I get it, Nathaniel said.
I frowned at him. Then explain it to me, because I dont.
He wants to have sex with you again.
What? I said.
Perdy cant tell him, or you, no anymore. You can be lovers again.
You mean now, like in right now?