He smiled, and it was almost his old smile. His eyes sparkled with it. I knew that look. He was about to say something I wouldnt like.
A little more touch made you feel better, too.
I nodded.
The smile was pure Jason when he said, We could do the whole mile-high club; that might make me feel better.
Mile-high club? I made it a question.
He kissed my knuckles, soft, a little more open mouth than would be polite in public. Sex on a plane.
I shook my head and laughed. It was almost a normal laugh. Points for me. Now Im not so worried, I said.
Worried about what?
You, if you can flirt and tease, youll be all right.
He pressed my hand to his face, and his eyes went from teasing to too serious. Who says Im teasing?
I gave him the look the suggestion deserved. I could not possibly have sex on a plane. I can barely keep myself from running up and down the plane screaming.
The lascivious look changed instantly to that sparkling, teasing look. Might take both our minds off our problems.
I tugged at my hand.
He smiled, and kissed my hand, the way it was supposed to be done. A bare touch of lips, not open mouth, no tongue, chaste. Ill behave if you insist.
I insist.
The extra touching made you feel better, too, Anita. I could sense it in the way your hand felt, the way your body smelled less like prey. Seriously, why not have sex? Why not feel better?
I frowned at him, because I realized he really was serious. One, the pilot might walk in on us. Two, were on a plane, Jason, I couldnt possibly. Im too freaked.
Can we have sex when we land?
I frowned harder. You mean when we touch down?
No, hotel, I guess.
I wasnt offended anymore, I was too puzzled. He wasnt teasing. He was dead serious. It wasnt like him. Wont you want to go to the hospital or your old house before we get all messy?
He smiled, but it left his eyes worried. I dont want to go to the hospital. I dont want to go to the house. I dont want to do any of it.
I held his hand tight, not because of my fear, but because of the pain in his voice. Strangely, worrying about him helped me be less afraid about where we were. Who knew therapy for someone else was the answer all along to my own fears?
I dont think having sex is going to make this visit easier.
He smiled then, and a look ran through his eyes so quick I almost didnt catch it. But it was similar to a look that Nathaniel had, so I knew it, all too well. It was a look that said I was nave. Jason was years younger than me, and he hadnt had all the bad experiences that Nathaniel had had, but hed had his share.
I am not being nave, I said.
You read me that fast?
Nathaniel has a look pretty close to it, I said.
Of course, it couldnt just be me you knew that well. He sounded bitter.
I began to worry that I was in a much different problem than I thought with this favor. Whats that supposed to mean? I asked.