had found it difficult and distressing to kill Mirar, but she had not expected to learn that Auraya had refused to do it.
“Wait…” she said. “Was she unable to bring herself to do it, or did she refuse?”
“What difference does that make?” Rian muttered.
“There’s a difference between hesitation and refusal. An experienced fighter may hesitate in battle when confronted with something unexpected—that his enemy is his friend, for example. Whatever Mirar showed her, it made her hesitate. If she’d had time she might have dismissed it. She should be given a second chance.”
“She has been,” Juran said. “She has until this afternoon to consider her actions, then she must complete her task. Mirar can’t have travelled far. Siyee have been sent out to locate him.”
“If she refuses again?” Rian asked.
Juran grimaced. “She will be punished.”
Mairae shook her head. “I still think this is too much to ask of her. She is still new to her role. One of us should go in her stead.”
“She must prove her loyalty to the gods,” Rian stated.
“He is right,” Dyara said. “If people knew that she had refused their order—”
“Who is going to tell them?” Mairae asked. “This happened in a distant place,” she glanced at Juran, “hopefully without witnesses. Nobody but us and the gods know about it.”
Dyara’s expression hardened. “If the gods ask this of her, it must be necessary. The gods see into our hearts and minds. They know when our loyalties need testing.”
Mairae stared at Dyara. The older woman could be stern and domineering, but she was not usually this lacking in sympathy. She sounded more like Rian. “How easily would you kill your adviser if the gods ordered it?”
Dyara’s eyes widened in surprise and anger. “Timare is a priest, not a… a filthy Wild.”
“How do you know? You didn’t detect Mirar’s mind behind Leiard’s.”
“I’ve known Timare for forty years. How well do you know your lovers?”
Mairae shrugged. “I don’t. I don’t need to.”
“It seems to me there are a lot more people in this world that you may find yourself reluctant to kill.”
“I use them for sex, Dyara. I’m not in love with any of them.”
“Mairae!” Juran protested. “This is not getting us anywhere.”
She looked up at him then smiled apologetically, knowing she was unlikely to gain Auraya any sympathy by arguing with Dyara. Juran was always more inclined to take Dyara’s side over hers, anyway.
“What are we going to do?” Rian asked.
Juran turned to regard him. “We have to be ready in case Auraya refuses again, or needs our help finding and killing Mirar. You and Dyara will sail south. We know Mirar intends to leave Northern Ithania so he will probably travel to the coast.”
Rian straightened in his seat.
“I will not hesitate. It will be a pleasure to serve the gods.”
Mairae smothered a sigh. I hope you find the resolve to do this, Auraya, she thought. Rian is going to be even more unbearable if he gets to kill someone as famous as the great Mirar.
40
Morning light revealed ominous clouds obscuring the mountains around the Blue Lake village. The air was icy and the vegetation around the bowers was white with frost. Auraya drew magic and dried off a log with a blast of hot air. As she sat down she realized it had only been a handful of days since she had rested here beside Mirar. It seemed a lot longer.
I suppose all those hours I’ve been awake thinking rather than sleeping make it seem longer. Last night she had only managed to fall asleep an hour or so before Mirar had linked with her. Afterward she had woken up fully. Something had nagged at her. Finally, as the light of the dawn filtered through the membrane of the bower, she had realized what it was.
Seeing into Mirar’s mind had been like seeing someone familiar and yet unknown. Like being reunited with someone she had known as a child, who had grown into an adult she didn’t know. Seeking a hint of Leiard, she had only seen that he was no longer the person she had known. Leiard was in him, but only as a part of a person she didn’t know—or love.
You’re wrong, Chaia, she thought. You see the remnants of the love I had for Leiard. You haven’t had the chance to see that I’m not attracted to Mirar in the same way—or what Mirar has become.
If Chaia didn’t see that, then perhaps he didn’t see that Mirar was not the person he had