there’s no time limit on how long it’s going to be before she feels…better or calmer or more secure with me.” Letting out a long breath, she forced herself to look at him. “She needs to be my top priority, Kyle. My only priority.” She paused again. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He stared at her for so long that she started to squirm.
“Kyle…”
“She just needs a little time, Syd. That’s all. Something upset her today and who knows, by tomorrow, she could be fine.”
Shaking her head, Sydney already knew that wasn’t going to be the case. There was too much anger and hatred in Haley’s words for this to be a one-time outburst. “Kyle, she’s just a kid, and she’s scared and needs some security. She obviously feels threatened by our relationship and…I can’t do that to her. I just can’t.”
“But you can do this to us?” he asked, his voice low and gruff.
“You have no idea how much I wish things were different,” she whispered, wiping the tears that were suddenly streaming down her face. “I’m drowning here, Kyle, and I can only handle so much. My sister trusted me with her daughter and she has to come first. Before everything.”
He gave her a curt nod and took a step back. “Maybe I can talk to her…”
“Oh God,” she groaned. “No. She seems particularly hostile where you’re concerned. I think…I appreciate that you want to try, but right now, it would only make things worse.”
Another nod. “I love you, Sydney. I’m not willing to let this go. Not again. Not after getting this second chance. Please.”
The need to touch him was so strong, but all she could do was wrap her own arms around her middle to stop herself. “I know, and believe me, I love you too, but…this isn’t going to work. It’s just not. No matter how much I wish things were different. You should…you should go,” she forced herself to say. “We both know you’re going to be fine.” Wiping her tears, she did her best to make light of the situation. “You know how much the women of Magnolia will love to hear you’re available again.”
“I don’t want another woman, Sydney. I want you.”
Why was he making this so hard? Didn’t he realize she was dying here?
“We don’t always get what we want,” she said sadly. “Sometimes life isn’t fair. It’s not fair that there’s a little girl in that house who lost her parents and it’s not fair that my sister’s life is over.”
“So you’re supposed to sacrifice your life, Syd? Is that what your sister would want for you? Is that what she expected when she made you Haley’s guardian?”
“I’ll never know, Kyle!” she cried. “Don’t you get it? No one knew this was going to happen—not the accident, the guardianship, or…you and me! I can only handle one crisis at a time, and right now, that is Haley.”
“Then I’ll wait,” he said in earnest. “We’ll give her time to calm down and talk things out with Teresa and…”
She held up a hand to stop him. “No. I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Please.”
She took one step back and then another. “It’s for the best if we just…let this go.”
Kyle stared long and hard at her, and just when she thought he was going to turn and leave, he took a step toward her. “You’re going to let a twelve-year-old dictate how we live our lives?”
Her shoulders sagged and she just felt utterly defeated. “I don’t have a choice. I hope someday you can forgive me, but…I need to go.”
And before she could second-guess herself, she turned and ran up the front steps and into the house. With the door firmly shut, Sydney leaned against it and did her best to catch her breath and stop shaking. She thought for sure she was going to be sick.
After a solid minute, she stepped further into the house and saw no sign of Haley, but it didn’t take long to hear her moving around in her room.
Which was fine.
They’d have plenty of time to argue later.
Possibly for the next six years or so.
Kicking off her shoes, Sydney weighed her options—knock on Haley’s door and try to talk or go to her own room and cry because she had selfishly wanted something for herself and had to let it go.
Muttering a curse, she walked down the hall to her room and quietly shut the door.
And cried until she made herself sick.
12
Kyle