sure what she was feeling, but it felt numb, this feeling. 15, she thought, fifteen and I’m over the hill. She smiled, and it was the same smile Mrs. Lack had, ironic, as if life was something you didn’t dare laugh at. Because those who did not laugh died. Ash whipped around and walked back to her mirror. She lifted her shirt, quickly this time, and grabbed her concealer off of her dresser. Slowly, and with neat precision, she erased the time bomb ticking menacingly on her back. When it was
finished, and all she saw was unmarked skin, she sat on her bed and closed her eyes. A single tear leaked out, a little hiccup cut through the air. Then it was over. And she smiled again. She loved this smile, she thought. This anguished, angry, defiant smile. Whatever, Ash thought, I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to have nothing to lose.
I open my eyes, the memory leaves me shaken. Tears leak and I wipe them angrily away. Death is not the end. I can’t…I won’t believe it. A sob chokes me…I won’t believe it.
Chapter 27: FEELINGS
OBSIDIAN
“You’re not thinking. A feeling is not verifiable, Ob.”
“I know, but it just seems like something they would do.”
“How would you know that? You don’t know anything about Ash’s mom or the VWP.”
We lapse into silence. My mind is made up. Ash is important to me, but I can’t live without Raven. Not feeling that itch at the back of my head is almost unbearable.
“Are you going to do it Obsidian?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes. You do. I know you think they that they have Raven…”
Ivory hesitates.
“Ob, I know you’re not going to like what I’m about to say. But you’re in way over your wings. Ash is our friend, and if you supposedly love her, then why would you do this? Why wouldn’t you let her be? And if they really are using Raven as leverage, then they’re not going to kill her. The whole thing feels wrong. You are being used, and I think you know it. Don’t do it because you feel like you have to be brave. Don’t do this. It’s too much, even for you.”
“Ivory, you keeping telling me what I shouldn’t do, but that doesn’t change the fact that Raven is not here. You don’t
understand. How could you? You’re not a twin, you don’t know how it is. I have to find her so what do you suggest I do?”
Ivory put her hand on my arm.
“What do I suggest you do? Nothing. Because doing
something may make it worse.”
“So you suggest I don’t do nothing because doing something might make it worse.”
“Yes, because honestly? I don’t think you are prepared to deal with it if the worst happens. Just think about it okay?”
She leaves and closes the door gently behind her. What she is suggesting is stupid and cowardly. How can I do nothing? And I am prepared to deal with the worst, whatever Ivory may think. I am prepared. I call Ash’s mom back. This time, I was put right through.
“I’ll get Ash for you, so what do you want me to do?”
“Go to the West Side Sky Park at 4pm this afternoon. You will see a green bench right inside of the entrance to your left and a garbage can next to the bench. There will be a yellow garbage bag in the can. Take the bag and go home. It has all the information and items that you need. You can’t call this number anymore, so if you have questions, ask now.”
“Will you promise to tell me the truth?”
I hate myself for sounding like a whining kid.
“No.”
I hesitate because I already know.
“If I give Ash to you, will you return my sister?”
“I already told you Obsidian. We don’t have your sister.”
I don’t believe her, even if she doesn’t have my sister, she knows how I can find her.
“Then I’m not doing it. I have no reason to help you, and if I don’t have to, then I won’t. Ash can be with the rebels if she wants.”
There is silence on the other end.
“You had better listen to me closely then Obsidian. You want to know where your sister is? Fine, I’ll tell you. We have her and I can assure you she’s not having a good time. She is maybe three or four days from a complete breakdown. Your sister is strong, I’ll admit. I’m rather impressed by her ability to hold her