being held at the castle.”
He sat on the bed and wrapped his arm around her. She laid her head on his shoulder with another heavy sigh.
“I wasn’t afraid of the blackguard. At least not once I had commandeered his firearm.”
Vivian was brave beyond words, foolishly so. Just as he had been his entire life. Now he better understood his father’s chiding. Luke wanted to take her to task for it, too, but his disapproval wouldn’t change what she was inside. She lived life at a full-out gallop. It was exciting and marvelous to be in her presence. But her recklessness scared him to death. He had lost his father not long ago. Losing her would be too much.
He licked his lips, unhappy everything had come to this. “Vivian, I can’t live this way. I cannot watch you every minute, and I refuse to treat you like a prisoner. I was concerned about you making small missteps when we arrived, but this is so much more. Do you understand?”
She nodded, her hair making a shushing noise against his jacket.
“Do you truly?” He captured her chin and urged her to meet his eyes. “This cannot continue.”
Her silver-blue gaze lowered and her lashes fanned across her pale skin. “I understand. Would you allow me to write my brother?”
He paused, uncertain he followed her logic. “If you must, but what does Ashden have to do with our affairs?”
“I would prefer to leave straight from here, if he is agreeable. It’s such a long ride from Brighthurst House.”
Luke grasped her shoulders and held her where he could see her face. She bit down on her trembling lip. “What in God’s name are you talking about? Where do you think you are going?”
“To Scotland. I’ve decided to take vows.”
He couldn’t be hearing her correctly. She wanted to leave? Had she gone willingly with Collier after all and then changed her mind? He regarded her closely, searching for clues to explain her state of mind. “I didn’t think you wanted to take the veil.”
Her eyes were large circles. “I don’t, but what gentleman in his right mind would have me now? And I cannot go back to Brighthurst House.”
He almost shouted that he would have her. Again and again and again. But he bit his tongue. He would be speaking out of anger, suggesting that she was nothing more to him than a good shag, and she was more. So much more that it hurt to be apart from her, even for a short time.
“That makes no sense,” was all he could manage.
She rose from the bed and stood before him. “Luke, I cannot ask you to spend every day of your life in pain, and that will be your future if you marry me. Either the headaches will plague you or my mistakes will haunt you. Can you not see you would be better off without me? I make a mess of things everywhere I go, and today is a perfect example. Word of my excursion with Mr. Collier will have already spread. I’ll be given the cut direct just like in Dunstable, only this time more people will be hurt. Do you want your mother and sisters to suffer my same fate?”
Luke laughed. He hadn’t known her speech was going to end on a humorous note.
She glared, obviously misinterpreting his amusement. When she tried to stalk away, he caught her hand.
“Is that what you think will happen? No one would dare give Mother the cut direct unless the lady or gentleman in question wanted to become a pariah. And God help anyone who mistreats her chicks. She is a fierce mother hen.”
“But the gossips will talk behind her back. And yours.”
He shrugged. “I’m sure that happens now. People can be petty and jealous, but rarely to our faces. How refreshing it would be to have someone actually say something within my hearing instead of falsely flattering me then reviling me once I walk away.” He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb over her silky skin. “That day at the church picnic I knew you hadn’t been taught to ignore hurtful words. I wanted to protect you from gossip as much as possible for your sake, not ours.”
“I am bad for you, Luke. Why can’t you see the truth? You need a genteel wife who will make you proud.”
“You are exactly the kind of wife I need. I have been traveling the world in search of something that would make me feel whole again, and you