go to the hospital.” He picks me up and carries me outside to the truck then comes back and gets our things.
We sit in silence on the way to the hospital. He holds my hand and constantly kisses the back then the front, trying to soothe me. The nerves are already kicking in, especially once I see the hospital come into view.
I am taken to my room, and the nurse puts monitors on me and starts an IV. I’m shaking as everything around me is a whirlwind. I’m ready to be a mom but, at this moment, I am completely scared. I don’t know what could happen and how much pain I am going to experience. There are so many unknowns.
“Alright, sweetheart, relax for me.” The nurse pulls up the blanket, and I focus on Kyle.
“The baby was breech at the last doctor’s appointment, and we aren’t sure if she has turned yet,” Kyle tells her. I completely forgot about that.
“You’re dilated to a three,” the nurse informs me and walks across the room to grab an ultrasound machine.
Please, God, let her be turned, I pray.
Kyle and I both eagerly watch the screen, and a few minutes later the nurse finally speaks. “She is still breech.” Oh no. That means that most likely I’m going to have to have a C-section. Kyle kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes as the reality sets in.
Hours later I’m prepped for surgery. Kyle is getting ready too, since he’s going to be in there with me. I can’t imagine doing this alone.
I’m wheeled into the operation room; then I’m given a spinal tap to numb me from the waist down. I wish I had a huge-ass Xanax right now so I was so doped up that I wouldn’t be aware that I’m about to be cut open. The anticipation is what is scaring me.
The door opens and I hold out my hand for Kyle to take as he sits right beside me. They put up a sheet so neither of us can see what’s going on.
Kyle rests his forehead against mine, and I put my hand on the back of his head as I hear shuffling all around me. “You may feel some pressure,” my doctor tells me, and I tighten my hand on the back of Kyle’s head.
“Breathe, angel,” he whispers, rubbing my cheekbone.
After what feels like forever, I see the nurses around me move to the end of the bed, and then I hear the most beautiful sound in the world.
My angel. I grin and Kyle laughs with happiness. He stands up as they raise her over the sheet and we get our first glimpse of her. Wow. Before I can really say anything, they take her across the room. Kyle looks torn as to whether to go to her or stay with me. “Go with our daughter.” I want her safe. I close my eyes and, for the first time since all of this started this morning, I relax knowing she’s safe and that all of this will soon be over.
Holy sore is exactly how I feel. It’s around 8:00 p.m., and Cassandra is asleep against my chest. Kyle pulled the bed next to us over so he can lie next to me tonight.
“Are you hurting?” Kyle whispers so he doesn’t wake up Cassandra.
I shift in bed to get a little more comfy, my stitches pulling. “I’m just sore right now.” I rest my head against his shoulder. He gently rubs Cassandra’s small back. We’re both so in love with her. I just want to shelter her forever and make sure she is safe from all the awful things in the world.
I stare down into her little face with a mission to make sure that I never fail her, I promise to be there through everything her life throws at her. One thing I know for sure: I am going to give her the childhood she deserves.
“She looks just like you.” Kyle smiles, running his fist gently down the side of her face. I rub my eye with the back of my hand, and I wince when something sharp scratches me. I pull my hand back and see a huge-ass ring on my finger. Kyle takes my hand, kissing the back of it. My heart starts racing immediately at the realization of what this means.
“Kyle,” I whisper, completely shocked and too scared to say anything.
“Marry me? I want nothing more than for you to carry my name, have more