Then she touched my cheek and whispered, “We’ll talk in the mornin’, sugar.”
She closed the door on her way out.
I didn’t take even a sip of her top shelf tequila.
I’d never been heartbroken, not like this, but I’d stood behind a bar countless times listening to those who were. And I’d noted, repeatedly, imbibing didn’t much help. Although that had been my preliminary plan, with the bottle and glass available to me, I instead chose the pillow and giving myself the opportunity to let loose the shit crawling inside me in an effort to get it out.
This didn’t much help either.
I’d had two calls in that time. One from Indy, the other from Roxie.
This meant Daisy nor Hank and Lee had shared with anybody, except my brothers told their wives. But Indy and Roxie told nobody. If they had, my phone would never quit ringing and The Castle (or Daisy’s house, which looked like a castle; no joke, complete with moat), would be descended on by Rock Chicks.
I was grateful for that, so much you wouldn’t believe. And I texted both Indy and Roxie to tell them I’d connect with them later, I needed some time, and they texted back that they’d give that to me.
By the way, Ren had not phoned. He had also not scaled the wall and broken in the window in order to press his suit.
This was not a surprise. I’d been pretty inflexible with the way I ended things.
But this meant I definitely wasn’t a Rock Chick. None of their men ever gave up.
That wasn’t bitching. It was just an observation that didn’t feel real great. Anyway, with the way I felt, I was glad Ren didn’t do this. This was mostly because, when I had time to let myself feel all the things I was feeling, I knew if he came back to me and pushed it, I’d cave.
Again.
Yes. Me.
Ally.
Caving.
That was how much I loved him.
So I told myself maybe it indicated how much he loved me that he was going to let me go, which was the only way he could give me what I needed.
And although this thought was cool (kind of, in a rip your heart out way), it didn’t make me feel any better, mostly because it ripped my heart out.
But now was now and I had a day to face.
I also had money to make. I had to find somewhere to live. And I had to find a way to get through Luke and Ava’s rehearsal and dinner without totally losing it in front of everybody.
So I got up, got a shower, sorted through my bags and got ready.
I did this being careful. Not externally. Internally.
I was vulnerable. I knew this.
Yes, me.
Ally.
But I was.
I’d been shown the life I wanted. Tasted the fairytale. Then I let it slip away from me. I had doubts, second thoughts, and carried pain you wouldn’t believe. Hell, I didn’t even believe it.
So I had to forge ahead but handle me with care.
And that was what I was going to be doing.